Friday, May 30, 2008

Bridge Over Troubled Water

I drove around looking for it after work.

Friday. My favorite day of the week, it's like the final day of a week long prison sentence and you just can't wait for the clock to struck 5.

But today, it was different. All the excitement of Friday, the long anticipation for this particular day was gone. I was feeling down, down, down, so low, low, low.

I don't even know where to start. I reached office on time, as usual, unlike Mr. W and started off with MSN, Facebook work right away. And out of nowhere, I feel stressed. Not that my MSN Facebook work is stressing me, but I just feel... heavy.

Suddenly my brain forced me into thinking about all the troubles surrounding me. It ran on auto-pilot to give me a Power Point presentation of my troubled times.

Troubles. Emotions ran wild. Thoughts of all my past hurts came knocking on my door. Memories of tears running through my eyes. All the pains of yesterday came back haunting my mind.

I dug deeper, trying to decipher what was the source of the pain. Was it girl problem? No. Work stress? I gotta be kidding myself. Family? Maybe, but it's all good for now. I couldn't find an answer. I was overcame by tons of emotions. For a moment I could understand the term moodswing and PMS.

I'm depressed. For no reason. God help me. I need a bridge over the troubled water.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

10 Weeks = 1 Day

Seperti biasa, cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan sesiapa pun. Jangan fikir yang bukan-bukan.

After spending 3 weeks at Company A as an intern, Mr. W is finally up for the challenge, to do something beyond his scope of study, to contribute back to the company, to be an asset to the industry, to make Malaysia, I mean, Country M a global player.

Briefly, he must renew a test system in Company A, which totally involves programming and the usage of VB language. In addition, he's got to work with electronics, which he totally hates.

But right now, he's ready, more than ever. To really, work.

Things to do, as was told by Ms. Y, the mentor:
  1. Find the specifications for the models
  2. Change the VNA Settings
  3. Edit the program code
  4. Run verification to ensure code is correct

Sounds tough, Mr. W thought to himself. He got up, took in a deep breath, and walked over to his friend, Mr. C's table. Expressing his confusion and worry, Mr. C decided to help him out.

How to get the work done, as taught by Mr. C:
  1. Copy code from another model
  2. Paste code
  3. Insert new specification values,
  4. DONE.

One out of six models that needed new code is done within minutes.

That means, Mr. W's entire 10 weeks project can be done in just, half a day.

What. The. Hell.

Mr. W spent the rest of his day chatting on MSN, and left office at 3pm.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Malaysian Joke

When I first heard this, I thought that it's a plain old joke poking fun at Manglish... Until I heard it until the end. I am still laughing very hard to it now.

Three beauty pageant finalists from America, India and Malaysia's IQ are being tested to determine who deserves the title.

Name an electrical appliance starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Lamp!
Miss India: Light!
Miss Malaysia: Leh-dio!

Okay, now name a fruit starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Lemon!
Miss India: Lime!
Miss Malaysia: Liu-lien!

Final question.. Name, an organ starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Liver!
Miss India: Lungs!
Miss Malaysia: Lanciao..

I had a good time laughing. And coming from mum, this is 3x as funny.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Chelsea Takes A Bow

A video made by my friend, Ynnek, a true Man Utd fan after the Devils won the Premiership. We were watching Man Utd's last match together, when we were joking that Rihanna sang the perfect song for Chelsea: Take A Bow.

But you put on quite a show (Chelsea's effort in trying hard to win)

Really entertaining (Especially Drogba, and their win over Man Utd)

But now it's time to go (They lost anyway!)
.
..
...

But it's over now (Premiership is over)

Go on and take a bow (Try harder next season)



Didn't know he actually made a video out. Gotta give him 20/10 for his effort.

Look how the song match word for word to the picture. If you follow football, you'd appreciate it more.

Standing ovation!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Jiang Hua Yi

Cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup ataupun mati, lebih-lebih lagi dengan saya, yang fasih dan petah berbahasa Mandarin demi kemajuan intelek, kesejahteraan insaniah dan kebahagiaan batin.
The Mentor: Ms. Y
The Friend: Mr. C
The Intern: Mr. W

First day at work:

Ms. Y: Hi, I'm Ms. Y, your mentor. Welcome to company A! I shall be supervising your project.

Mr. W: Hi, I'm Mr. W. Nice to meet you.

Mr. C: W, lu mang hor ee bully ah. (W, don't let her bully you)

Ms. Y: Hami bully? Wa jin jia ho eh ah! *Pinch Mr. C* (What bully? I'm very good one ok?)

Mr. C: Nah! Lu khua tiok bo? Pembuli! (Did you see that? Bully!)

Mr. W: Haha, oh, good. Can speak Hokkien wan. Haha kaki lang. (Haha own people)

Ms. Y: Yes, yes. Take a seat okay. Men khek khi. (No need shy shy)

Mr. C: Khek khi jiak ka ki. (Shy shy eat yourself)

Mr. W: Great!

Second day at work:

Mr. W saw Ms. Y walking into office, and he greeted Ms. Y good morning... in Mandarin. Maybe to show off his ability to speak Mandarin, or maybe because she looks like a Peng Hwa student with her short hair? No idea.

Mr. W: Zhao an! (Good morning!)

Ms. Y: Wah, ni zhen me zao ah. (Wah, you're early!)

Mr. W: Haha, bu shi wo zao, shi ni chi dao. (It's not that I'm early, it's you who's late)

Ms. Y: Bu shi, wo kang chai qi line li mian zao ren (No, I went into line earlier to look for
someone)

Mr. W: Oh..

Ms. Y: Ze jie keng da keng zhong ba jie ren. Ren zhe zhu, xing ben san tong tong chiang chiang ha me ha me ha sho she qing qong qiang etc.. (*^^&%%$#^%!@@$%)

Mr. W: Er, heheh...

Ms. Y: Shi gong xi ban huanheyskchakdfhawherthahdfheyaktj?

Mr. W: ...

That is how two English speaking, Hokkien speaking colleagues ended up speaking in Mandarin. And it's killing Mr. W.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Log: The Unrepentant Intern

Cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup ataupun mati, lebih-lebih lagi dengan saya, yang tekun bekerja setiap hari demi kejayaan syarikat, bangsa dan negara.

9.20am
Mr. W is chatting on MSN, browsing through some forwarded jokes.

9.40am
Mr.Manager: Mr. W, later come to the conference room. I'm having a staff meeting and I
want you to be there okay.
Mr. W: Oh, okay...

Mr. W's thoughts:

9.41am
Oh no, does he know? I knew it, he does! I'm so screwed!

9.43am
Relax, it's just staff meeting, maybe he just wanna have a chat with me. That should be it. Yeah.

9.45am
No, wait... I'm just an intern, why would I be needed in the meeting, unless... HE KNOWS! OH GOD!!

9.47am
Argh!! It's too late man, it's too late! The IT Department must have informed himn and he knows... He knows that you've been downloading music, watching Youtube videos, reading blogs, blogging, Facebook, Texas Hold'Em Poker, Friends For Sale, he knows it ALL!

9.49am
He is gonna skin you, roast you and then eat you for lunch. It's better if you go drown yourself in the toilet bowl than to face him in the meeting room later.

9.51am
Maybe I should go to him and apologize first? At least it is personal, it shows my sincerity and it will save me from blushes. I should, perhaps I should... How?

9.53am
But it's not my fault! I don't have work to do! Blame it on my mentor, yeah! He is the culprit, crucify him! Crucify him... I'm digging my own grave.

9.55am
5 more minutes! Oh no, what am I to say? Maybe I should.. *poof*

Mr. Manager: Mr. W, let's go now.
Mr. W: Oh, okay...

9.56am
Oh God! I'm so sorry for what I've done! Please save me! I swear I would change and not slack anymore! No more Youtubes, no more Facebook, no more checking out chicks in the office, no more, NO MORE! I'd even come early to work, please save me! I promise to be good! I promise!

9.58am
Mr Manager: Okay, everyone, I want you all to meet our new intern. Mr. W, now here will be where you will report your weekly progress, like all of us do. Now tell us what have you done so far?
Mr. W: I'm so sorry!!! Er.. Oh, I mean, good morning everyone. I've been learning the test system so far, and I've actually looked through the test processes for the product. So, it's more learning for me so far.
Mr Manager: Excellent! Keep it up. Now next...

11.15am, after the meeting
Mr. W on MSN: Damn you Eve, why you bought all my pets in Friends For Sale?! I shall invite more people in Facebook to join, earn money and buy all your pets! Damn, what is wrong with the connection today? It takes forever to stream an episode of Family Guy!

Friday, May 09, 2008

The Big Mac Chant, And Self Humiliation

If you have not heard of it yet, there's a recent competition going on by Nuffnang and McD where bloggers are invited to post up creative and original videos of themselves doing the Big Mac chant.

The chant:
Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions, On A Sesame Seed Bun.

The chant under four seconds:
twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun!

The chant in four different languages, by my buddy Sewjin:


If you liked it, go give him your vote. Click here.


For all those peeps who uploaded videos of themselves pronouncing "let-TIU-s", please go back to school and study.

For all those who submitted videos of themselves doing the most self-mortifying things on the Internet, please save yourself the blushes and remove them.

Self humiliation is not the highway to fame and fortune.

*smacks head, trying to get the BIG BIG MAC! BIG BIG MAC! tune out of my brains*

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Industrial Training

I started my first day at Agilent with much anticipation and enthusiasm, looking forward to learn and contribute to the company.

Agilent. I was so glad to be here.

After a brief orientation, it's time to get down to business. I was ready to learn, observe, kiss ass, get doughnuts for my manager, and contribute to the company.

The following inputs that I got will give you a potrayal of how my day went:

8.15a.m.

Security: Mr Tan ah? Oh the HR has called twice looking for you.

8.30a.m.

HR: I will brief you guys about your internship okay. First, you all can wear t-shirt and jeans

HR: ...and working hours is flexible, up to your manager. Come in at 8.30 should be okay.

10a.m.

Manager: Hi, welcome! This is your seat, and your mentor is not in today, er, so just have a look around first okay.

Colleague: Hey, your mentor left a file for you, it's a manual for your reference, so just have a look okay.

Friend: You reached at 8.15, so early? I just got here *yawn*

10.15a.m.

Friend: Eh, before you proceed on, there's an important thing you need to do.. Download MSN.

Me: Where to punch in?

Friend: No punch in.

Me: What time lunch?

Friend: Are you hungry now?

Me: What time go home?

Friend: After you finish your work.

Me: But I got no work!

Friend: Go home then.

Me: Who do I report to then? The manager?

Friend: Here in Agilent, we practice self-accountability. Report to yourself.

Me: So what am I supposed to do today?

Friend: Anything you want.

And for the rest of the day, I struggled hard to look like I'm working.

Agilent.

That is why everyone points me in this direction. Who says engineers work like dogs?

It's Day 2 today, and I still have nothing to do. Thank God I have a blog, else it'll be such a pain trying to go through another day in the office with nothing to do.

I love this job.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Home

No mansion more comfortable than this small house.
No bed softer than this hard mattress.
No show rooms more lavish than this messy room.
No baths more therapeutic than from this little shower.
No sofas more cozy than this old cushion set.
No chefs better than mum.
No place on earth is better than this one that I'm in right now.

Home. the best place on earth, situated on the best state in Malaysia, Pulau DAP.