Monday, November 17, 2008

November 15

"Nobody likes you, when you're 23"
Blink 182, What's My Age Again?

The day I turned 23,

  1. I slept through plenty of calls.
  2. The first present I received was free grocery shopping from my sister.
  3. Followed by a teddy key chain from the boss at Boca Jazz Cafe.
  4. I gained a few things; among those ang pows, another year older, presents, 2 pimples on my face...
  5. I lost a few things; among those my dignity, integrity, virginity, masculinity, and some leg hair...
  6. And I thought I was gonna be spared.
  7. Don't remember how to feel shame anymore after being sang the Happy Birthday song over and over and over and over again at anywhere at all. Luckily not at the lok lok stall.
  8. I fell in love with ADIDAS futsal boots. Not Nike. Adidas rocks. Adidas. Adidas. No turning back, no turning back.
  9. I bathed 3 times consecutively at 3 different places using 3 different shower foams. And still the sweet smell of blessing still lingers.
  10. I had a blast!! I mean, I was blasted!! Still, it was a blast!!

To all of you who wished, called, FB-ed, MSN-ed, treated, sang, sabo-ed, shaved, stripped, caked, splashed water, videoed, photographed, laughed, masterminded, and whatever more you did to make it really memorable for me (and really fun for you), A HUGE THANK YOU!

But remember, what goes around comes around. Heh heh. Who's next in line?

LOVE YOU GUYS MAN. (the gayest statement you'll ever find in this blog but worth the mention)
AND OF COURSE THE GIRLS TOO. (got a street cred to keep)


I felt like I was 13.

Photos coming soon, but pornography are on pay-per-view basis.

Just some random stuff I got from Wikipedia...
On Nov 15 1985,
  • A research assistant is injured when a package from the Unabomber addressed to a University of Michigan professor explodes.
  • The Anglo-Irish Agreement is signed at Hillsborough Castle by British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher and Irish Taoiseach Garret FitzGerald.
  • A handsome young boy was born and he is going to melt every girls' heart.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

My Favorite Song For The Weekend

This is definitely one of my favorite songs. The tune and the lyrics are just haunting. Best thing is, whenever I listen to it, I felt my love and my loyalty renewed. And when I sing it, it's almost therapeutic.. And I'm sharing it with you guys.




And oh, here are the lyrics:
FUCK OFF, Chelsea FC!
You ain't got no history!
5 European Cups and 18 leagues,
That's what we call history!
(Repeat)

Hahaha hell yeah it's my favorite song! Now that you've known the lyrics to it, sing it loud and proud wherever you may be, tomorrow!

Date: Tomorrow, 26th October 2008.
Time: 8.30pm local time.
Event: Sing Along Sunday.

And oh, do keep your ears tuned to the TV speakers and hear the Liverpudlian Orchestra sing them. Bring it on, Chelsea FC!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Halt! FYP cometh!

What is FYP, some asked.

I say, use your imagination.

For Your Pleasure?
Fong Yee's Place?
Flex Your Penis?
Failed Your Paper?
*mate* You, Pig! ?

Whatever it may be, this blog shall be ignored until the end of the week, as the author is busy preparing for his tests and FYP.

So Flip Your Pages.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I Shouldn't Be Here

Test is in 2 1/2 hours time. I am still at the same page since yesterday afternoon. Tooling for Production. This subject sucks so hard, it makes your nipples blue just by reading the book.

I need a map hack.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I Deserve An "A" For This Project

The last 3 weeks of the semester usually are the busiest for us (the last minuters). With countless assignments and projects to be handed up, we would normally resolve to some quick and effective problem solving;

"This should be strong enough"

I was to head a project for Professional Practice subject. And for those of you who are always eager to be a leader of some sort in some organization or group, let me tell you this: Firstly; you suck, that's why you ain't one, and secondly; grow a brain, sitting still is more fun than this.

Project title:
Erosion Problem In Many Parts of Malaysian Highway.

Contents needed:
  1. Background of the problem
  2. What's wrong?
  3. Who are involved?
  4. The way forward
  5. Conclusion
Hence after much thought and discussion over the matter, me and my group members managed to basically, sort everything out.

Presenting, our project and our discussions.

1. Background of the problem

All over our highways

2. What's wrong?
He is.

3. Who are involved?
"It is an act of God. So don't blame me"

4. The way forward
Cure for all your ails.
5. Conclusion

Too bad I can't submit this to him. But I will certainly put this under "References".

NOW GO DO YOUR WORK LAZY BUGGER!!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Life Back In Motion


Hari Raya break is over. This means here comes the tests. Assignment due dates. Project dues. And the mother of all horror: FINAL YEAR PROJECT draft is almost due.

I am so
Screwed.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

First It Goes To Your Happy Nerves, Then Your Belly.

Since most of my pictures are with my friend, who is Raya-ing back at home with his family right now, I'm gonna blog about something that is only snapped with my camera.

And that would be,


The chapter that was missing from the Purpose Driven Life book.

Germany is known for their beer, and in each small town they have their own little breweries. Hence, as a young padawan still alien to the good German ale, I ventured on my little own quest towards happiness and love. And most of the time, I ventured alone, as my travel mates don't drink.

While I ventured on for beer, they ventured on for differing types of soft drinks. How sweet.

My first beer encounter was when I had dinner apart from the group (since they always patronize the Turkish outlet which is halal, meaning no beer).

My first bottle, definitely this

One of Germany's most famous export beer. Smooth, rich, aromatic and it's golden. Though it was bottled, it felt almost like sex to my thirsty tongue. I can gulp a dozen of those!


No, it's not a typo.

Beer is cheaper than Red Bull here, and costs only 40cents more compared to Coke. I'm loving this country already.

A very happy Wan Yean

In the small town where I live, namely Aalen, they have a brewery nearby in the town of Wasseralfingen. Hence, the beer; Wasseralfinger Bier. Not very impressive though, it is plainly bitter and nothing fancy.

Surprisingly, I had this in a supposed to be halal Turkish shop.

Next, it's the famous Munich brew, Paulaner. I took the opportunity to sneak away from the gang after dinner and went on to a local pub for this.

The kepala botak beer brand

It's above average, definitely better than Wasseralfinger but still it tasted rather plain.

Later on, I found this beer that my German lecturer told me about. It is Germany's very own version of Carlsberg, but the only thing is it is spelled with a "K" in front. Not exactly true, but it is pronounced as Carlsberg too if you say if fast.

Beer piracy

But unlike the pirated DVDs or Nike shoes that you buy, this "pirated" version of Carlsberg actually tastes better!

And it was at this particular restaurant/bar where my Kellerberg costs less than my friend's Coke. Where is the logic?! I don't know!! But never mind, who's complaining? :)

Then cometh the best ever, ultimatum beer experience in the world. That's where I tasted the best ever beer in my entire life.

She should be in Germany's Got Talent. And I want that mug squeezed to her boobs.

Now tell me you don't want a wife like that. Actually I wouldn't wanna cause imagine their muscular forearms from all the beer waitressing. Will make a pancake out of your palm when you guys hold hands.

Oktoberfest post, after this.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Too Much For A Post

Ookay, I'm back and everyone is asking me where is my Germany post. I gotta tell ya, 10 days compressed into 1 post is a really difficult task to do. You see, bloggers are long winded people who can whine for pages about the littlest things.

But writing too much and too many posts on Germany will just get on people's nerves (aiyah ini budak hutan Malaysia tak pernah tengok dunia macam... tulis diari ke?)

Hence, I gotta plan properly and summarize them up like really really short and simple. This is what I had in mind...

Overall, 1 post.
Food, 1 post.
Oktoberfest, 1 post.
Pictures and sceneries, 1 post.
I went jogging, 1 post.
Mad football fans, 1 post.
Mercedes Benz Museum, 1 post.
Porsche Museum, 1 post.
My course in the uni, 1 post.
The cold weather, 1 post.
Shopping, 1 post.
My cool lecturer, 1 post.
Train rides, 1 post.
Pretty chicks, 1 post.

Damn... I can befriends the chatty morning market aunties already.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Deutschland

Just random photos, snippets from here and there and everywhere.

Stuttgart train station

Festival at down town Aalen

One of the performances during the festival

And what's a festival without THIS..

Exposed: Our (soon to be ex) PM's diner in Germany

A cold, wet yet beautiful evening at the suburbs

Wet pussppy

THE author looking stoned and cold

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Germs Are Good

This,


This,

This,

And this,
In 2 days time.

Right here.
THE author is going global! :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

THE Blog Final Release

So here it is. My blog, at last, complete with sidebar contents and a not-so-complete list of blogs that I pimp. Through this time of skin changing and template hunting, I have learned valuable lessons of life which I'd like to share with all of you.
  1. I have good, helpful friend(s).
    Thanks for laughing at me, then offered to help, and then helped, which I later then scraped off because I find it too hard to manage.. It doesn't mean that I do not appreciate what you did, it's just that I don't understand jibberish, which brings us to the second lesson in life:

  2. HTML code still sucks.
    Many do not know this, but do you know that HTML codes complete with it's complexity and tiny bits and details which requires lots of focus to decipher is a main cause of eye cancer? The radiation beamed out from the computer screen and the alphabets in the codes kills the cells in your cornea, which will lead to cataract and eye-AIDS.

  3. Blogger is slowing down.
    Is it just my connection or does everybody feel the same? It took quite some time for my web page to load. Feedback very much welcomed. And if it is Blogger's fault. I would be thinking of pressing my words next.

  4. Homer Simpson is a God in the cartoon world.
    Even Family Guy's Stewie must bow down and worship him, I mean Him. What does this have to do with my blog skin? I don't know.

  5. I am still, a noob layout changer.
    Just look at the amount of damage I inflicted on my own blog. Shame on me. And also, I lost a great amount of my Pimp List and blogroll. Double shame.
If your blog is missing and you are unhappy about it, please complain it to the memory department of my head for excluding you, though they might reply and say that you are forgotten because you are insignificant.

Nah, just kidding, c'mon, tell me if you wanna see your blog's link there. I'll gladly link you up (for a minimal fee).

Making a comeback,
THE one your mummy approves of.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

BN The Kuku

The more you're doing it, the worse it'll be.

It's like an itch, my dear beloved BN, and you're the kuku/fingernails that are trying to temporarily relieve the itch. The more you scratch to get rid of it, you're just hurting yourself more. Your reputation, your credibility, your supporters.

So I beg you, please, stop inflicting damage on yourself and us, the rakyat. If not, soon the kuku will be trimmed shorter and shorter until you are just insignificant to make any damage nor difference anymore.

I was damn irritated with this, and furthermore, with the cover up story.

Somebody get the nail clippers ready.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Nightmare

I told you guys already...



I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE MY TEMPLATE!



NOW SOMEBODY HELP SAVE ME!


please?

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Computer's A Life Sucking Machine

I know my blog is in a mess right now, but I just have to write. I just have to blog, about my computer. About this lifestyle of mine, and many others of you out there who turns on their computers every single day once they're home.

I am so sick of you, little machine with micro processors. I am so sick of how you have got everything in you. Music, movies, entertainment, books, games, girls to flirt with, reading materials, and even friends whom I can communicate with.

Everything that was once meant to be done outside apart from the convenience of my own bedroom is now possible because of your existence.

Gone are the efforts that I need to put in to search through the library to find a single book containing what I want since Google appeared.

Gone are the time when I have to pay with my money just to call and talk to a friend or to flirt with a girl, since the existence of Instant Messaging.

Gone are the days when I have to scour through pirated DVDs to find a suitable value-for-money title to buy and watch at home, with hopes that it ain't a cinema copy and that the show is good, ever since torrents surfaced.

Long forgotten are the days when birthday wishes are written in cards and sent to the person, ever since Facebook appeared. People seems happy to just write on Walls, and send virtual soft toys.

I hate how I seek your refuge when I am down right bored and how I really thought that you hold the solution to my situation. The convenience you provide is driving me nuts. You make me wanna get out of my room and grab a book to read at a corner in the living room but I miss how you play my favorite music.

You are like a parasite. One that is being kind to me in a cruel manner. The good deed doer with a giving hand is the devil after all.

And what do I do when I got so frustrated with you?

Gone are the days when you bitch about things to your close friends ever since blogs appeared.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Under Construction

Yep, I went at it. My first ever attempt at installing a template apart from those provided by blogger. Wish me luck that I do not mess everything up (I think I will).

Get ready for a brand new THE Blog (Either that or a ruined Blog).

COME BACK SOON!

Monday, July 07, 2008

Bang What?

Bangkok trip, summed up in 3 words:
To be continued...

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Bill Gates Uses Firefox 3

Mozilla Firefox succeeded in setting a new Guinness World Record for the most software downloads in 24 hours. The newly released Firefox 3, the best Firefox yet, reached 8,002,530 downloads worldwide.

In honor of the contributions from it's users, Mozilla is awarding all fellow downloaders with a certificate of appreciation, and in which, a very unusual name appeared:


Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Slit Mouthed Man

"Hahahaha why you so, so noob wan! Hahahaha!"

"Eeeyer disfigured d!"

"Eh, you just turned 12 ah? Hahaha.."

And hundred other stares from people of all ages, race and sexual orientation.

What are they referring to?

It really hurts. My ego.

Definitely an attention grabber. Lesson learned: Do NOT shave when you are half awake.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Prayer Petition

Sometimes we really wonder why bad things happen to good people. We are taught to believe to accept these with reverence, knowing that a more powerful force out there, an all-knowing Almighty is in control of everything. A caring and loving God that knows what's best for us.

But just how, o Lord, do we fathom this?

A church buddy, Ee Lun or Ah Khim met an accident early yesterday morning while on the way to Singapore after watching the Euro finals with the gang. Police suspected that he dozed off halfway through his journey and crashed. He was only discovered later on by a traffic police officer.

He is currently in a coma, and he suffered major physical maxillofacial injuries.

We know that we will not live forever, and we have to pay for the consequences of our actions. All we ask is o Lord, that You will sustain him and restore him back to his normal conditions, for we know that You are able. Keep him close to Your side, and let him rise up again and live on to be a testimony unto Your goodness.

And let him deliver me the answers to my questioning, o Lord.

Always in my prayers. I shall see you when I'm back dude.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Transparence

When a hint of petrol price increase was upon us, the very first interview heard on TV was with the head of PPIM, who said that the price increase will do good for the rakyat. The rakyat will learn how to be thrifty, learn how to save money and use it wisely. Expensive is good, just like the Mercedes Benz that I'm driving, said he.

When SAPP announced their notion for a vote of no confidence against the Prime Minister, the very next day they are under BPR's investigation for corruption. What can I say, it is their motto: Cepat, mesra dan betul. I mean, terlalu cepat, mesra depan TV, dan mungkin betul. Eh, that's the motto of the police force. Not the rasuah body. Police force. Rasuah body. Police. Rasuah. Police. Rasuah. Police, rasuah. Hmm.

After the ex-gratia payment is given to seven former judges to honor their services, some of them who were clearly overdosed with Viagra suddenly grew enough volume in their balls to voice out their accusations. They incriminated that there was a dictator who made them memorize the lyrics to the national anthem and got them to stand on the chair whenever they fumbled at the rap part of the song. Namewee himself was almost summoned to help them out.

And when there is one bloody son of a bitch who keeps on bugging you on all of your businesses, and all else failed to stop him; drop the finishing move on him, again. The weapon of masturbative destruction: sodomy. Even Tony Stark would have to give his salutations to this one.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Six Sigma

Let me mesmerize all of you with something from the engineering field. I see lots of doctors put up big terms with big words that will twist your tongue into 7 different directions just by trying to pronounce it, and hence I think it's time for me to share a bit about what I learn.

I am a Mechanical-Manufacturing Engineer, and when it comes to manufacturing, we always talk about maximizing the production rate and minimizing the defects. One tool used to do this is called the Six Sigma tool, developed by some Japanese porn industry specialist after realizing that their porn always feature defect-sized penises with a hot chick, which is, no good for business.

They have intended to change the name back to the original, which is the Sex Sigma, but due to international outrage and cultural conflict within Japan itself, which always project themselves as polite and conservative people, they decided to go for the switch.

"What's wrong with the word sex? Take a look at our porn and see that we still do not shave our pubic hair. That is what I call conservative, not some word play!" grumbled one old disgrunted unhappy protestor in fluent English, which would have sound like the toilet being flushed repeatedly.

In recent years, there have been emergence of porn with defect-free penises but with fat-laden chicks, and hence another quality tool was produced in-line with the Six Sigma, which is called the Lean Six Sigma.

We are not interested in how the porn industrialists handle the problem of meaty chicks, so let us handle just Six Sigma today. Six Sigma aims real high, with
99.9996% effectiveness, and I kid you not.

That translates into 3.4 defects per million (DPO), meaning if you are to buy or download a million porn movies, the chances of you not turned on is 3.4 times. You might ask, 0.4? It can be explained. The 0.4 can come from 2 clips out of 5 clips that the DVD offers, that features short Johnsons humping away.

And just like traditional Japanese martial arts culture ("Sex is very much a battle itself" Master Miyagi of the Karate Kid fame), the Six Sigma honors each of it's achievers with colored belts. White Belt for beginners who produce amateur porn, Green for those who include at least one orgy scene in their porn and Black for those who can see nipples, breasts, penises or people humping from clouds of just about any shape.

I, for one, is about to be a certified White. That doesn't impress much people in Malaysia, but in Japan, I am somebody. I can walk down the streets of Fukhikiu and buy porno at 15% discount. I can even get behind the scene shots and deleted scenes for absolutely free. Autographed DVDs at half the price, and even meet-and-greet session with the stars. How cool is that?

Just when you thought that engineering was boring.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I Am...

The fedora is next on my "to buy" list.
Disclaimer: No it's not ripped from his album cover, I drew that with my bare mouse!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Cheating 101

Best explanation to be given when your partner ask about the other person you were seen togehter with (a.k.a. the cheatee):

For guys:
"Oh, silly darling, she is my cousin la."

For girls:
"Oh, silly darling, he is my cousin la."

Even more convincing;

For guys:
"Oh, silly darling, she is my cousin la. She got boyfriend already wan."

For girls:
"Oh, silly darling, he is my cousin la. He's gay wan."

They won't ask anymore, cuz you make them sound harmless now;

"I introduce to you one day la okay?"

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Break The Ice

I am crazy.
I'm in too deep.
I'm so excited, I just can't sleep.
Every time she's done, I can't resist it.
Hit me baby, one more time.
Yeah, I just couldn't get enough of her.
Gimme gimme more, gimme gimme.

She's been haunting me all day, all night for weeks now.
In the office, in the car.
In the living room, in the shower.
And I haven't got bored of her yet.

Most contenders will just lose out after (maximum) a whole day of devoted attention.
But she proved that this is a true champ.

Though she wasn't as hot as she used to be, but she is much more slutty now.
Which did her good.
And I'm totally all hers.

Who am I talking about?
None else, but the great princess herself...


BRITNEY SPEARS!




Err, I mean, Britney Spears!
That's more like it.


And if you think that I have been doing her for all day for weeks, sad to say you're wrong. Cuz if I did so she'll be super slim by now, and super healthy and super satisfied

I'm talking about her latest single, Break The Ice.
It's ADDICTIVE. Trust me.

I have 3 versions of that song; (I hated the techno-ed ones, the original tune is whack) the album version, the Fabolous rap and the other one with a different "I like this part" version.

I listened to almost all of the posted search results found in this website, just to find one with the best quality to download. Click on it if you want to download

And I think that her music video is better than Bleach and 5 year olds cartoon Naruto. Go youtube and find it yourself, embedding is disabled by the Pop Princess herself

Though people said that she's too ugly now, that she dare not appear in the video. My say, I think so too. Nevermind, that is still a kick-ass track, Britney. You better slim down quick and stop lip-synching and outdo Beyonce.

I caya sama lu!

Monday, June 16, 2008

You Know That You're Old When...

  • Mix FM is playing all your favorite tunes, down right to the most wicked ones (Backstreet's back, alright!).
  • Credit card salespersons in malls see you as a potential customer and bug you to apply for their credit card.
  • People around you talk about cars, vacation, watches, their bosses, the slutty secretary, politics, world disasters, buying properties, investments and real sex, not imaginary ones.
  • 2.70 is a painful figure to you in a very personal way.
  • McDonald's, KFC and Pizza Hut are not "expensive food" anymore.
  • You talk about your high school and uni days with dreamy eyes, reminisce about the good old days, and share your experiences with others.
  • And most of the listeners are kids younger than you.
  • And you end the conversation by saying "Savor your high school and uni life. It's the best time of my life".
  • Your friends fight to pay for the bill after a meal, and you feel obliged to join in the fun.
  • Friends and class mates that you have not met for a long time greet you with a warm hand shake, followed by their name cards.
  • They call their name card "business card".
  • You start to think that shirts tucked into pants actually look good.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Mr. W's Office Escape Improvisation

Cerita ini adalah fiksyen, tetapi mempunyai fakta-fakta menarik untuk anda diaplikasikan dalam ofis. Dan perkataan bahasa Inggeris yang ditranslasikan amat humor.

To escape from the office without any detection, one must possess the right skills and knowledge to do so. Even more important for those who wanna leave early or come in late.

Here is a slice from Mr. W, learn from the best.

First week of work:
Bring bag, water bottle, pencil box.
Turn on computer every morning, shut it down every evening.
Clean work place before he leaves.

Escape Rating: Impossible
Visibility: Even the blind sees him

Second week of work:
Bring bag, water bottle, pen.
Turn on computer every morning, shut it down every evening.
Do not arrange things in work place back in order.

Escape Rating: Very Difficult
Visibility: As easy as spotting a gay in Momo

Third week of work:
Do not bring bag, just a file and logbook.
Leave pen and water bottle on the table.
Turn on computer every morning, shut it down every evening.
Work place is a mess.

Escape Rating: Moderate
eVisibility: He's like a shadow unseen during daylight, camouflages in the night.

Forth week of work:
Goes to work empty handed.
Leave a file, pen, water bottle and logbook on table.
Log in computer every morning, log off every evening.
Work place looks busy with equipments and things all over.

Escape Rating: Effortless
Visibility: He's like the wind... Don't even know if he's here or not. Ultimatum

Monday, June 02, 2008

The Call

No, it's not that Backstreet Boys song I'm referring to.

I just got THE call!


My lecturer, that is. And he mentioned that he'll be coming over for a visit on 12th June, next Thursday.

At 9.00 a.m. !!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Bridge Over Troubled Water

I drove around looking for it after work.

Friday. My favorite day of the week, it's like the final day of a week long prison sentence and you just can't wait for the clock to struck 5.

But today, it was different. All the excitement of Friday, the long anticipation for this particular day was gone. I was feeling down, down, down, so low, low, low.

I don't even know where to start. I reached office on time, as usual, unlike Mr. W and started off with MSN, Facebook work right away. And out of nowhere, I feel stressed. Not that my MSN Facebook work is stressing me, but I just feel... heavy.

Suddenly my brain forced me into thinking about all the troubles surrounding me. It ran on auto-pilot to give me a Power Point presentation of my troubled times.

Troubles. Emotions ran wild. Thoughts of all my past hurts came knocking on my door. Memories of tears running through my eyes. All the pains of yesterday came back haunting my mind.

I dug deeper, trying to decipher what was the source of the pain. Was it girl problem? No. Work stress? I gotta be kidding myself. Family? Maybe, but it's all good for now. I couldn't find an answer. I was overcame by tons of emotions. For a moment I could understand the term moodswing and PMS.

I'm depressed. For no reason. God help me. I need a bridge over the troubled water.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

10 Weeks = 1 Day

Seperti biasa, cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan sesiapa pun. Jangan fikir yang bukan-bukan.

After spending 3 weeks at Company A as an intern, Mr. W is finally up for the challenge, to do something beyond his scope of study, to contribute back to the company, to be an asset to the industry, to make Malaysia, I mean, Country M a global player.

Briefly, he must renew a test system in Company A, which totally involves programming and the usage of VB language. In addition, he's got to work with electronics, which he totally hates.

But right now, he's ready, more than ever. To really, work.

Things to do, as was told by Ms. Y, the mentor:
  1. Find the specifications for the models
  2. Change the VNA Settings
  3. Edit the program code
  4. Run verification to ensure code is correct

Sounds tough, Mr. W thought to himself. He got up, took in a deep breath, and walked over to his friend, Mr. C's table. Expressing his confusion and worry, Mr. C decided to help him out.

How to get the work done, as taught by Mr. C:
  1. Copy code from another model
  2. Paste code
  3. Insert new specification values,
  4. DONE.

One out of six models that needed new code is done within minutes.

That means, Mr. W's entire 10 weeks project can be done in just, half a day.

What. The. Hell.

Mr. W spent the rest of his day chatting on MSN, and left office at 3pm.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Malaysian Joke

When I first heard this, I thought that it's a plain old joke poking fun at Manglish... Until I heard it until the end. I am still laughing very hard to it now.

Three beauty pageant finalists from America, India and Malaysia's IQ are being tested to determine who deserves the title.

Name an electrical appliance starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Lamp!
Miss India: Light!
Miss Malaysia: Leh-dio!

Okay, now name a fruit starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Lemon!
Miss India: Lime!
Miss Malaysia: Liu-lien!

Final question.. Name, an organ starting with the letter L:
Miss America: Liver!
Miss India: Lungs!
Miss Malaysia: Lanciao..

I had a good time laughing. And coming from mum, this is 3x as funny.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Chelsea Takes A Bow

A video made by my friend, Ynnek, a true Man Utd fan after the Devils won the Premiership. We were watching Man Utd's last match together, when we were joking that Rihanna sang the perfect song for Chelsea: Take A Bow.

But you put on quite a show (Chelsea's effort in trying hard to win)

Really entertaining (Especially Drogba, and their win over Man Utd)

But now it's time to go (They lost anyway!)
.
..
...

But it's over now (Premiership is over)

Go on and take a bow (Try harder next season)



Didn't know he actually made a video out. Gotta give him 20/10 for his effort.

Look how the song match word for word to the picture. If you follow football, you'd appreciate it more.

Standing ovation!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Jiang Hua Yi

Cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup ataupun mati, lebih-lebih lagi dengan saya, yang fasih dan petah berbahasa Mandarin demi kemajuan intelek, kesejahteraan insaniah dan kebahagiaan batin.
The Mentor: Ms. Y
The Friend: Mr. C
The Intern: Mr. W

First day at work:

Ms. Y: Hi, I'm Ms. Y, your mentor. Welcome to company A! I shall be supervising your project.

Mr. W: Hi, I'm Mr. W. Nice to meet you.

Mr. C: W, lu mang hor ee bully ah. (W, don't let her bully you)

Ms. Y: Hami bully? Wa jin jia ho eh ah! *Pinch Mr. C* (What bully? I'm very good one ok?)

Mr. C: Nah! Lu khua tiok bo? Pembuli! (Did you see that? Bully!)

Mr. W: Haha, oh, good. Can speak Hokkien wan. Haha kaki lang. (Haha own people)

Ms. Y: Yes, yes. Take a seat okay. Men khek khi. (No need shy shy)

Mr. C: Khek khi jiak ka ki. (Shy shy eat yourself)

Mr. W: Great!

Second day at work:

Mr. W saw Ms. Y walking into office, and he greeted Ms. Y good morning... in Mandarin. Maybe to show off his ability to speak Mandarin, or maybe because she looks like a Peng Hwa student with her short hair? No idea.

Mr. W: Zhao an! (Good morning!)

Ms. Y: Wah, ni zhen me zao ah. (Wah, you're early!)

Mr. W: Haha, bu shi wo zao, shi ni chi dao. (It's not that I'm early, it's you who's late)

Ms. Y: Bu shi, wo kang chai qi line li mian zao ren (No, I went into line earlier to look for
someone)

Mr. W: Oh..

Ms. Y: Ze jie keng da keng zhong ba jie ren. Ren zhe zhu, xing ben san tong tong chiang chiang ha me ha me ha sho she qing qong qiang etc.. (*^^&%%$#^%!@@$%)

Mr. W: Er, heheh...

Ms. Y: Shi gong xi ban huanheyskchakdfhawherthahdfheyaktj?

Mr. W: ...

That is how two English speaking, Hokkien speaking colleagues ended up speaking in Mandarin. And it's killing Mr. W.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Log: The Unrepentant Intern

Cerita ini rekaan semata-mata, tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup ataupun mati, lebih-lebih lagi dengan saya, yang tekun bekerja setiap hari demi kejayaan syarikat, bangsa dan negara.

9.20am
Mr. W is chatting on MSN, browsing through some forwarded jokes.

9.40am
Mr.Manager: Mr. W, later come to the conference room. I'm having a staff meeting and I
want you to be there okay.
Mr. W: Oh, okay...

Mr. W's thoughts:

9.41am
Oh no, does he know? I knew it, he does! I'm so screwed!

9.43am
Relax, it's just staff meeting, maybe he just wanna have a chat with me. That should be it. Yeah.

9.45am
No, wait... I'm just an intern, why would I be needed in the meeting, unless... HE KNOWS! OH GOD!!

9.47am
Argh!! It's too late man, it's too late! The IT Department must have informed himn and he knows... He knows that you've been downloading music, watching Youtube videos, reading blogs, blogging, Facebook, Texas Hold'Em Poker, Friends For Sale, he knows it ALL!

9.49am
He is gonna skin you, roast you and then eat you for lunch. It's better if you go drown yourself in the toilet bowl than to face him in the meeting room later.

9.51am
Maybe I should go to him and apologize first? At least it is personal, it shows my sincerity and it will save me from blushes. I should, perhaps I should... How?

9.53am
But it's not my fault! I don't have work to do! Blame it on my mentor, yeah! He is the culprit, crucify him! Crucify him... I'm digging my own grave.

9.55am
5 more minutes! Oh no, what am I to say? Maybe I should.. *poof*

Mr. Manager: Mr. W, let's go now.
Mr. W: Oh, okay...

9.56am
Oh God! I'm so sorry for what I've done! Please save me! I swear I would change and not slack anymore! No more Youtubes, no more Facebook, no more checking out chicks in the office, no more, NO MORE! I'd even come early to work, please save me! I promise to be good! I promise!

9.58am
Mr Manager: Okay, everyone, I want you all to meet our new intern. Mr. W, now here will be where you will report your weekly progress, like all of us do. Now tell us what have you done so far?
Mr. W: I'm so sorry!!! Er.. Oh, I mean, good morning everyone. I've been learning the test system so far, and I've actually looked through the test processes for the product. So, it's more learning for me so far.
Mr Manager: Excellent! Keep it up. Now next...

11.15am, after the meeting
Mr. W on MSN: Damn you Eve, why you bought all my pets in Friends For Sale?! I shall invite more people in Facebook to join, earn money and buy all your pets! Damn, what is wrong with the connection today? It takes forever to stream an episode of Family Guy!

Friday, May 09, 2008

The Big Mac Chant, And Self Humiliation

If you have not heard of it yet, there's a recent competition going on by Nuffnang and McD where bloggers are invited to post up creative and original videos of themselves doing the Big Mac chant.

The chant:
Two All-Beef Patties, Special Sauce, Lettuce, Cheese, Pickles, Onions, On A Sesame Seed Bun.

The chant under four seconds:
twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun!

The chant in four different languages, by my buddy Sewjin:


If you liked it, go give him your vote. Click here.


For all those peeps who uploaded videos of themselves pronouncing "let-TIU-s", please go back to school and study.

For all those who submitted videos of themselves doing the most self-mortifying things on the Internet, please save yourself the blushes and remove them.

Self humiliation is not the highway to fame and fortune.

*smacks head, trying to get the BIG BIG MAC! BIG BIG MAC! tune out of my brains*

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Industrial Training

I started my first day at Agilent with much anticipation and enthusiasm, looking forward to learn and contribute to the company.

Agilent. I was so glad to be here.

After a brief orientation, it's time to get down to business. I was ready to learn, observe, kiss ass, get doughnuts for my manager, and contribute to the company.

The following inputs that I got will give you a potrayal of how my day went:

8.15a.m.

Security: Mr Tan ah? Oh the HR has called twice looking for you.

8.30a.m.

HR: I will brief you guys about your internship okay. First, you all can wear t-shirt and jeans

HR: ...and working hours is flexible, up to your manager. Come in at 8.30 should be okay.

10a.m.

Manager: Hi, welcome! This is your seat, and your mentor is not in today, er, so just have a look around first okay.

Colleague: Hey, your mentor left a file for you, it's a manual for your reference, so just have a look okay.

Friend: You reached at 8.15, so early? I just got here *yawn*

10.15a.m.

Friend: Eh, before you proceed on, there's an important thing you need to do.. Download MSN.

Me: Where to punch in?

Friend: No punch in.

Me: What time lunch?

Friend: Are you hungry now?

Me: What time go home?

Friend: After you finish your work.

Me: But I got no work!

Friend: Go home then.

Me: Who do I report to then? The manager?

Friend: Here in Agilent, we practice self-accountability. Report to yourself.

Me: So what am I supposed to do today?

Friend: Anything you want.

And for the rest of the day, I struggled hard to look like I'm working.

Agilent.

That is why everyone points me in this direction. Who says engineers work like dogs?

It's Day 2 today, and I still have nothing to do. Thank God I have a blog, else it'll be such a pain trying to go through another day in the office with nothing to do.

I love this job.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Home

No mansion more comfortable than this small house.
No bed softer than this hard mattress.
No show rooms more lavish than this messy room.
No baths more therapeutic than from this little shower.
No sofas more cozy than this old cushion set.
No chefs better than mum.
No place on earth is better than this one that I'm in right now.

Home. the best place on earth, situated on the best state in Malaysia, Pulau DAP.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Realize

I just got to know that:

There's quite a large bunch of people around me who blogs. Most amazing one, a girl who sells jewelries through her blog! Coolness.

My last paper is on the 2nd of May, which is next month, which is actually, this coming Friday. And I thought that I still have weeks to enjoy and relax before my paper.

Jim Jones is a cult leader somewhere in Africa. And there's a bunch of black rappers calling themselves Jim Jones. It's like Too Phat calling themselves Ayah Pin or KLG Squad calling themselves Sami Velu.

There ARE some pretty nice chicks in UTM. And some of them speaks fluent English! (Turn me on, turn me on...)

I am a linguist, as in I discriminate those who can't speak a certain language (English, that is) properly. Something like, racist, chauvinist, the equivalent of that; linguist. You may look as hot as Tara Reid but if you can't speak proper English, you look no more than a Bryan Boy to me. A Chinese Bryan Boy, that is.

I kinda, fancy Miley Cyrus. Not her music, not Hannah Montana, but racy photos. Teenagers today can't wait to grow up. And I can live with that :)

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Girl At Cengal: Good, Bad, Ugly

So, the saga continues. I haven't seen her for some time, and hell, semester break is just around the corner. I need to do something. I just need to. I should analyze every single step that I'm about to take, pros and cons, and all that.

And so I did.

Well, after writing this out, I thought to myself, damn, I sure have a lot of time.

Good: I have handfuls of conversation starters (a.k.a. pick up lines) to use.
Bad: "Accidentally" knocking her down with a car and nursing after her that would be the best thing to do, and "fate brought us together" tops my list.
Ugly: I am seriously considering it.

Good: I have no balls to do it.
Bad: I have no other more sensible ideas.
Ugly: I am desperate.

Good: I start a conversation with her, and she responds.
Bad: She looks at me and pretends to see nothing.
Ugly: "Oh my God, you were talking about ME? You crazy son of a ..." She reads my blog.

Good: She gives me her phone number.
Bad: She says that she doesn't have a cellphone.
Ugly: I replied "Fine, you STUCK UP!" She really doesn't have one.

Good: I call, and she goes "Hey! I thought that you'd never call!"
Bad: It's ALWAYS engaged, or left ringing.
Ugly: "For the 100th time, I'm not some girl that you fancy. She gave you the wrong number, dumbo! Now go get a life!"
Nightmare: "You the prick that's hitting on my girl? Listen closely, keep your distance or the next time you see your car it'll be in the scrap metal factory."

Good: She says "I like you!" and we hit off.
Bad: "I like you! but she's got a boyfriend.
Ugly: "I like you... to be far, far away from me. Now bugger off!"
Nightmare: "I like you! Let's be friends!"

Good: I date her out for dinner.
Bad: She never turned up.
Ugly: She turns up with a car load of friends that I do not know of.
Nightmare: All her friends are guys.

Good: We kissed, and she grabbed my nuts.
Bad: I try to kiss her and she smacks me right across the face and kicks my nuts.
Ugly: We kissed, and she make me grab her/his nuts.
Nightmare: She/he has got a bigger nuts than me.

Good: She is attached to me.
Bad: She is attached to me, and I became her driver, personal escort and ATM machine.
Worse: She is attached to me... and also Ah Keong, Ah Seng, Rajen, Muthu, Faizal, Abu, Ali, my Materials Science lecturer,...
Nightmare: She is attached to me, and I still have to iron my own clothes.
Suicidal: She irons my clothes, drives me around, gives me surprise treats, bakes for me, and she is my BFF.

Good: "You make me feel so naughty."
Amen: "But let's wait until we are married."
Bad: "Let's wait until we are married okay? I mean, it'll be awesome for me to finally get to abstain after all these years..."
Ugly: "Can we do it tonight honey? Frank, Donny, and Muthu said that a five-some would be fun."
Nightmare: "Let's wait until we are married. Besides, Muthu would know if I am having another man."

I'd be so sure to call the fella who wrote this a psychopath maniac after reading this through. Heck, am I turning into one?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Hiatus, Accident, Agilent.

You know when you've left your blog unattended for sinfully long enough when your blog link does not appear as you type the URL on the http:// bar. I haven't even been visiting my own blog to save my own blog's soul.

Yeah, hiatus, a common thing that's plaguing THE Blog now. It may not be all CAPITAL THE Blog anymore now, heck it maybe just the Blog, but rest assured... Cometh next semester, my blog will be updated DAILY (hopefully). Because next semester, Mr Tan is moving out of UTM and into his own room (FINALLY!!)

That aside, I got a freakin' accident yesterday. My car skidded at a corner, and for a moment I thought I could cast in JB Drift before I hit the curb. My freakin' front rim is screwed real bad, and my butt was ripped by an ugly taxi that was tail gating. That is just so uncool. And it's gonna cost me a bomb. Out of this world total uncoolness. Just when I thought that I was gonna pimp my ride a little.. Nah.

That aside too, thanks for your support to THE Blog guys. Will be back in Penang early May for my internship in Agilent. Looking forward to that, and looking forward to drowning my accident sorrows away with a keg and some Penang drunkards.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

A New Dawn

It's been a hard day's night for Malaysia.
But all the toiling, ceramahs and ISA detentions had payed off.
A new dawn has set upon us.
Congratulations to opposition parties, and to all voters.
And be on your guards, simple majority winners.

Damn I sound like a political blogger, how cool is that! :P

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Ain't It Funny

Ain't it funny that:

I got 2 toothbrushes, 2 facial cleansers, 3 different toothpastes, 2 body shampoos, 4 hair wax products, 1 conditioner but no shampoo. It's been 2 months already.

I'm supposed to gain weight but I lost 1kg when I weighed myself today.

I have 2 SIM cards and 2 spoiled cell phones.

I have 2 blogs, 1 affiliation with a joint blog and a test site blog but I have no Internet access at my hostel.

I am handsome and good looking but I am still single.

Maybe girls nowadays are afraid of guys that are too good looking. Understandable.
Just another random post with not much content but lots of truth in it. Blame it on the mid-week stress.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Day 5

Day 5 is rest day according to the gym. If only had God did the same and rest on Day 5 and not create humans, this world would be a so much better place to live in. Planning to go on a jog later on (it's so freaking hot now) to burn some fats. But high possibility to end up on my bed (it's so freaking hot) cultivating fats instead.

Doing triceps work out was like committing suicide. I could barely complete even one work out. That's when I realized that I seriously have no triceps... If only steroid injections are safe and cheap and legal.

Well nothing much to rant here. Have a great Friday everyone.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Day 3 & 4

Had a not-that-bad Day 3 (shoulder exercises), though my neck is hurting like mad now. It's like I'm having a constant stiffneck that doesn't go away. The price to pay in the name of vanity fitness. Going to do triceps later in a while more, in an attempt to break my already sore and torn arms.

Just a second ago Sewjin showed a couple of pretty chicks' blog to me, and they hurt my eyes. WHY THE HELL AIN'T THERE ANY HOT CHICKS LIKE THAT IN UTM?!

Never mind, I shall concentrate on my gym routine for now. Before I engage later on that Cengal Cafeteria girl.

Better suggest me a good pick up line or way for me to get to her before I resolve to knocking her down with a car. And then nurse her for the remaining days. Hey, not bad right, considering that I still get to know her in that way.

Gotta run, gotta get it from my mama.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Day 2

Shoulder exercises are not as extreme as I thought. It was alright, but maybe because I was supposed to start light. That was meant to prevent me from any injuries and aches I guess. Looks like I still have a long way to go to earn those cannon arms, considering mine looked only like a toothpick.

Met a Malay course mate, Rokok (not his real name, of course) there.

Advice of the day, as seen on wall poster:
Eat. Train. Rest. Only through discipline and consistency will you get your desired body.

True enough, I should eat more :D

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Day 1

Intimidating. That would be the perfect word to describe my first day experience at the gym. Walking into a place full of muscular men flexing their cannon barrel sized arms is not exactly welcoming for a thin person like me. I feel so small, so tiny, so weak, so... unmanly. But that's the reason why I'm there. To make a cannon out of myself too.

It turns out that those Brock Lesnars and Hogans and Schwarzeneggers are real nice guys. Huge they might be, but they are friendly, and encouraging too. Gentle but still manly. A real gentleman indeed.

So after running through registration and all that, it's time for metal to fuse with the body. According to the schedule, it's CHEST Monday, and we're supposed to do chest exercises that day. Oh yeah, I wanna increase my bust line. The trainer said that I had to do 5 different chest exercises, 4 sets of 10 each. Shouldn't be that much of a problem I guess... NOT.

The first work out was fine, and Mr. Cannon Arms, the guy with the biggest set of arms around actually came and gave me a knuckle. But as I moved on from one work out to another, it was as if my arms were wearing out. And was supposed to be CHEST exercises... I wonder what will happen when it comes to biceps and triceps exercises.

At the end of it all, I could barely lift my finger to dig my nose. My steering wheel felt like a lorry's without power steering and I almost drove back using Gear 1 because the gear seems to be rigid. Shampooing my hair, washing my back was tricky and tower drying my hair is almost impossible. I am seriously considering to buy a hair dryer now.

But nevermind... I shall persevere on and work my way to get my metal plate body that girls will drool for. Wish me luck, it's SHOULDER exercises today. Pray that I can drive home after that. Until then, majulah sukan untuk negara, dan majulah badan untuk wanita.