Thursday, November 22, 2007

When Pain Is Good

Papa will be hospitalized for some time, and for the moment he won't be mobile. He lost control over the lower part of his body due to some complications on the spinal cord, and papa needs to undergo radiotherapy as part of the treatment.

I could only watch helplessly as papa goes through the excruciating pain of his suffering, the sensation that burns deep within his bones and back. Papa has been on morphine for some time now, which provides him a temporary relief from the anguish.

Even so, he still had to grieve over the pain when the effect is over. Increasing the dosage or regularity is not a good option, and hence there is none much that can be done.

It breaks me to watch him go through such torment. Massaging his feet is something that he enjoys, and so I did just that to alleviate his pain. Being the novice at this, I sometimes press too hard, which cause him to let out a sigh. I apologized, but he said that it was okay. Pain is good; he mentioned, as it indicates that he can still feel.

Pain is good.

That is hard to take in after seeing him going through so much, but it is true after all. Pain is a good indication, though not as pleasant. Else everyone will be cutting themselves to just feel an orgasm of the injury.

When it pains papa to sit through the therapy, he knows it is good because it indicates the treatment is working within him.

When it pains you to watch someone you love go through agony, it is good because it indicates then that you genuinely care for the person.

When it pains you when your loved one had to go away for long, it is good because it indicates that you are truly in love.

When it pains your heart to be hurt by an unworthy jerk, it is good because it indicates that you are human and you have emotions.

Pain makes us human. It reminds us that we are mortal beings. Above all, pain teaches us about life; the lessons untaught by men.

What papa is going through now is a lesson for me to learn how to love people with actions, and what love really is.

Be strong, papa.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Just Glad To Be Home

The drive took us 8 hours, with stops at Nilai, Sungai Buloh for Sate Kajang and one more stop at some place that I don't remember to take a leak. Had a detour to the hospital before finally heading home. Dad wasn't doing so well, but there was gladness in his face when he saw us. Things aren't working out perfectly good, but we are sure glad to have one another.

I'm thank God for giving me a family. We draw strength out of one another when times get hard, and we rejoice together when the skies are clear.

God has given me a loving family from the day I was born. It's the best birthday gift I've ever had.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

My Birthday

So I'm turning 22, and I was wondering;

Should I put up a big entry and be an attention whore, dying for wishes from people all over and syok sendiri?

Should I reduce myself to such a shallow being, and be as eager as an expectant child for candies and lollipops and wait... Nobody can give me candy anyways online. Damn that's worse than shallow.

Should I shout it out loud to people and do my best to drill it into their heads that they will remember this day as my birthday? Put up multiple entries?

Should I be like Ced?

Oh please, I'm straight.

And I thought of it too, what's the biggie, now that I turn one year older? Why the celebration, why the cake with candles?

Why don't people celebrate more meaningful events like, the day you first watched porn, the day you first ate Penang Char Koay Teow, the day you first get Beyond Godlike in Dota, the day you first scored?

Damn, I don't remember those.

Anyways, I'm here to wish another dear friend of mine, the guzzler, the adventurous girl (it's a genetic trait, her mum is Korean, and you tell me now the dad ain't an adventurous guy) who so happens to share the same birthday as mine!

Go get a crazy bash, EVE LEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Cool people are born on 15th November, right? Just a reminder, don't get yourself pissed drunk. Speeds up the aging process :D

Okay guys, a comment with a happy birthday would do no harm after all. Go ahead, gimme gimme more! Gimme gimme!

Monday, November 05, 2007

The Censorship Board Within You

You know what I hate?

I hate the film censorship board. I hate the music censorship board.

I hate them for bitching around my movies and music and snipping out what they deemed as inappropriate to the audience.

I hate it when the scene jumps from one to another.

I hate it when my song has got all sorts of beeps and horns and screeching sounds in between.

I hate them for ruining what should've been a wholesome presentation and expression of art.

But I do understand what they do are for the greater good of the younger generation. And I also do understand that they are doing their job responsibly to keep the airwaves clean.

I DO understand. Really.

Plus, I can purchase pirated uncensored DVDs to catch the lost scenes, so I guess it's okay.

But do you know what irks me more than them? I just don't understand what goes through their air heads.

Let's just start with a question here. "Have you ever f**king encountered this kinda bulls**t writings in the wide open space of the motherf**king Internet?"

Or, are you a contributor of all these kind of self censorship s**t? Do you add the stars *** to your own words to hide the vulgar meaning that it carries?

If you are one of these nonsense, then listen up. What do you think you're trying to do, huh? Censoring your own words for the Nobel Peace Prize?

Okay, so you think you're cool and macho and popular and hood all that by swearing. But at the same time you don't wanna blurt the swear words out because your conscience tells you not to, and your mum might spank you.

So what do you do?

You censor yourself. Win-win situation, right? You appear cool, and you don't get spanked by your mama?

C'mon now, here's a fact for your brain to take in.

Censoring yourself WILL NOT make you look more decent, nor will it make you look any cooler.

You wanna be vulgar? Fine, who the fuck cares?

You wanna be decent? Then for karma's sake, please watch your words.

By typing like a f#%king dyslexic will only make you look like a pre-puberty kid. Be a man. Self censorship is crap. Grow up, tween.

p/s: I'm amazed by myself. So much hate. Heheh.