Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Silly, Sillier, Silliest

Things that you despise but you know it is good for you:
  • Seat belt
  • Cardio exercise
  • Unchewable, rubbery vegetables
  • Condom
  • Queuing
  • Chicken breast meat
  • Flossing
  • Education
Things that you love but you know it is not good for you:
  • Alcohol
  • Dota
  • Large/Size-up fast food meals
  • Sleeping at 3 (or maybe 4)
  • Lesbian porn
  • A dozen donuts
  • Revving the car engine
  • Blueberry cheesecake
  • Snoozing the alarm clock
A combination of the both equals the silly things you do.
  • Sizing up your super oily fried chicken breast meat fast food meal
  • Wearing condom while watching lesbian porn, wishing you were part of the show
  • Studying while holding your third can of Budweiser in your hand
  • A whole lot other more that I did not mention
A silly that I did:
  • Queued for a freakin' hour for a dozen donuts for breakfast.
The sillier thing is:
  • I really think that it's all worth it. The freakin' donuts are freakin' good! They have a website too, Donut Factory, but it's quite plain. Google them out to see the reviews.
The silliest thing ever:
  • I'm gonna queue for them sweet O's again. It's just so freakin' good!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Daughtry

The Daughtry Experience, Singapore.


Yesterday.

Powerhouse, St. James Powerstation.

I was there.

Thanks to The Chin for getting me along.

And just when you're about to say "WAH, get to see Daughtry! So jealous!",

Hush.

Damn.

I didn't even get to catch a glimpse of him. That place is so freakin' crowded, a thousand others was turned away.

And as for me, I managed to get in there like, 30 minutes after the showcase started. Yeah, after he did It's Not Over and Home.

Damn.

Should've queued earlier.

But anyways, I did manage to hear him perform Over You. That's like a song that I totally adore, the smooth entrance, the great build up, the guitar solo, the sing-along chorus and the cool "I got over you" ending.

Hell yeah, at least it's worth the wait and all.

A lil' disappointed, but still a great experience. And don't feel bad for what happened, Chin. Thanks for the Almost Daughtry Experience. :D

And it was fun meeting your gossip group too :P

Sunday, September 16, 2007

She Didn't Believe Me

Me: You sound different.

Cel: Yea, I have sore throat.

Me: Oh my, you sound like a tranny!

Cel: Tranny? What's a tranny?

Me: Erm, it's short for Transformers.

Cel: What's Transformers has gotta do with my voice?

Me: Erm, because you sound like them. Yea, you know, like Optimus Prime's husky voice. That's Transformers' voice, hence tranny voice, got it?

Cel: I don't believe you... Tell me what is that Wan Yean!

Me: Serious lah... It's like Spiderman; they call him Spidey, Elizabeth; we call her Betty, vagina; we call it pussy. So, Transformers; tranny!

Cel: Don't bluff me! Quick, tell me what's a tranny!

She didn't believe me. I feel hurt. I am not trustworthy? Do I look like a liar, a swindler, a lawyer, a direct sales promoter, a conman, a politician, a cheating adulterer, a blogger?

Damn, else it would be fun if she goes about saying "Hey, I sound like a tranny!". Heh heh heh.

p/s: Seriously, tranny is short for transformer (not the movie or the cartoon though). It's an electronic component used in the industries and it is called a tranny by the technicians and floor people. Now, you know.

p/s2: Go and impress your friends and chicks with this.

p/s3: I'm not responsible for any riddicule or embarassment that follows after p/s2.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Man vs Metrosexual

Girl: Hmm, that smells nice. What perfume do you use?

Man: Oh, it's my after shave.

Girl: Hmm, that smells nice. What perfume do you use?

Metrosexual: Oh, it's my hydrating gel that I apply on after I pat my face with toner. It's either that, or it's my Estee Lauder's eye cream. You know, I've been working late a lot lately. Need to freshen up a lil'.

*****

Man: Hey, this is such a typical line, but you look familiar. Have we met before? Celebrity Fitness gym maybe?

Girl: Now that you mentioned, yeah you look familiar too. You're the one who always does the bar bell thingy with your legs lifted up high on the bench?

Man: Oh dear, you saw me doing that? I mean, that's not me then. Who'd do such an embarassing thing, right?

Girl: (giggles) No I'm sure it's not you then.

Man: Care for coffee then? Maybe we can spot who's that weird leggy guy.

Metrosexual: Hey, this is such a typical line, but you look familiar. Have we met before? Celebrity Fitness gym maybe?

Girl: Now that you mentioned, yeah you look familiar too. You're the one who always does the bar bell thingy with your legs lifted up high on the bench?

Metrosexual: Oh darling, the only time my legs are up sky high is during yoga. Oh I remember now! I'm in the same yoga class as you!

Girl: Oh, it's you. (giggles) the only guy in yoga class.

Metrosexual: And, and, aerobics too, you signed up for aerobics right? I swear I can remember that frizzy messy hair that you got on after each session. You should try putting on leave-on moisturizer, or maybe a bandanna or something if you really can't manage it. Care for coff.. Hey, I was talking to you!

Girl: Goodbye.


*****


Girl: Your lips... It's dry.

Man: You ready?

Girl: I'm sorry?

Man: This is the part where we'll kiss, right? To keep my lips moist, of course. (Girl blushes)

Girl: Your lips... It's dry.

Metrosexual: Oh my God, I so need my lip balm now... Dammit I left it in the car! Do you have any? Lip gloss will do too.


*****


Girl: Who's your favorite actress?

Man: I don't know, who's got the biggest boobs right now?

Girl: You're such a jerk.

Man: Okay, I'll try to remember a name. Uhm, you know that girl Tokyo Drift? You kinda remind me of her.

Girl: Really? Oh no, c'mon (blushes)

Man: Well, maybe not. I think she's got bigger boobs.

Girl: You ARE a jerk! (teasingly pinches the man)

Man: Okay, okay, why not let me have a closer look first?

Girl: Dream on, jerk. (still blushing)

Girl: Who's your favorite actress?

Metrosexual: Oh, I so worship Martha Stewart! Though she ain't exactly an actress, but she's just great, you know, with all the fame but still she remains so humble! There's just that aura surrounding her, I can feel it even though I'm just watching her on TV.

Girl: Martha, who?

Metrosexual: You DON'T know who Martha Stewart is? That's a crime against humanity! Stop watching MTV and please, put that TV into some good use. You know, there's this episode when she featured Cyndi Lauper, and she sang Time After Time, it was like the best ever episode. Both of them are just so radiantly glowing with the energy and, and, it just made me cry, I don't know understand it either.

Girl: Okay, let's change the topic. Oh no, why don't we just both keep quiet.


*****


Girl: Sure I look good in this?

Man: You look great, trust me. I've got an eye for details, and my eyes tell me that all your details are note worthy.

Girl: Sure I look good in this?

Metrosexual: You look great, trust me. I've got an eye for details, and my eyes tell me, urm, just one thing, I think the jeans is a little too crampy on your thighs, but it's still, acceptable. You still look great... Erm, hold on, is that a correct sized spag top you're wearing? It looks like you're tied with a rubber band over. Don't worry, you still look hot... Just layer on a cardigan or a jacket and you'll be sizzling. Oh, while you're on it, maybe you can add in a push-up. And put on a huge belt over to cover your protruding tummy okay? It's quite a handy trick to conceal it, you can thank me later.


Blame Ugly Betty for giving me all these weird ideas.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Self Induced Sex Is Lame

Wanking. First love. Self service. Shaking hands with the president. Chot. Phak chiu cheng (PCC/Play with hand gun). Personal happy hour. DFG (Not Daniel Frankling Gomez, it's Da Fei Gei) or TFK (Ta Fei Kei), direct translation beat aeroplane.

Masturbating.

Something that everybody does but nobody admits to it. But I know Woody Allen did. He said that it is a time when he have sex with someone he loves. And he also said:

"I am such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."

I've gotta admit, that's funny but sorry Woody, but I find that lame.

Don't give me that look and call me a hypocrite. No, I'm not. I'm not here to condemn all ye wankers out there, nor am I trying to justify myself as the holy one. And no, I'm not saying that I'm wank-free, it's just...

I find it really lame.

I mean, having sex with yourself doesn't sound as good, right? But that's exactly what masturbating is. And it fits spot on into the description of go fuck yourself.

Guy: So, who have you been seeing for the past weeks?
Wanker: Oh, poster girls, models, celebs. The usual.
Guy: My oh my, somebody's finally found his purpose in life!
Wanker: Well, I've been seeing them since I was like, 13?
Guy: What, 13?! So how many have you shagged? Lost count?
Wanker: Well, just one.
Guy: I don't understand, well then she must be real hot I guess?
Wanker: No, they are all hot. Just that I shagged only one.
Guy: And she is..?
Wanker: Me.
Guy: ... Go fuck yourself.
Wanker: Yea, I will, later tonight. Now who should I do, Jessica Biel or Ali Carter?

I believe that sex is more than just orgasms. It's a wholesome process that involves all the 5 senses of 2 beings, and simulating your hand(s) as either a vagina, penis or asshole just don't cut it.

So, go shag someone today. Hiding in a private room or locking yourself in a toilet to have your blissful 3 minutes of delight is not considered as having a sex life.

Okay, I am not encouraging pre-marital sex, underage sex, beastiality, paedophilia, prostitution or rape here... Just sharing my thoughts. Don't sue me.