Friday, March 30, 2007

Point Me To The Right Direction

First off, I apologize for my lack of activity (LOA) for the past few days.

I'm currently in the last week of class, and hence that means loads of assignments and projects are due. And not forgetting tests, and society meetings. It was a hard week, and God's grace be upon me, I still have to hustle thru another busy week.

But let's not bore all of you with my schedule. Let's talk about what happens after next week.

Apparently I got a free ticket to watch the F1 race (oh hell yea I'm just good looking that's how I got it free) in Sepang come 8th April. Not that I'm a big fan, heck I'd even need to do some homework to see who's winning now, but hey, for the experience, I don't mind going. It's free anyway, right? :D

Then comes the conflict of interest.

On the 7th April, there'll be two parties thrown in KL, and I can't decide for myself where to go to. Hitz.fm is throwing their 10th Birthday Bash over at 1U, while Speed Zone Tour is throwing a rave over at KL Tower. Tough call.

Okay, I'm not a fan of house music or whatever you name those noise to be. But they're throwing in 4 international DJs in that event, that should be worth going to right?

While on the other side of the town, they are throwing in a bunch of local artistes in there to perform, and they're bringing in DJ Cheapshot of Fort Minor! Heck I might have a chance to camwhore with Marion, who knows Hannah Tan too maybe? But I don't wanna be stuck in a place full of lala school boys and girls.

How? Some suggestions maybe?

Alright, sum it up here, the pros and cons of each event.

Speed Zone Tour
pros
-Sounds cool!
-International DJs
cons
-I don't quite like noise house music
-RM20. Hahaha being a typical chinese.

Hitz.fm Birthday Bash
pros
-Local celebs to camwhore with, hopefully?
-It's free!
cons
-Might get bored
-Don't wanna mingle with lil kids

Help me out peeps.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Roads Should Be Made Of Soft Rubber

Or maybe Dreamland mattresses. I bloody had a bloody hard fall on the bloody roadside and I bloody hurt myself and my bloody ego.

The bloody road

I bloody tripped when crossing the bloody huge drain at my hostel's bloody car park, landed with on my two hands (luckily not my handsome face) and I bloody bleed.

The bloody huge drain

A bloody chunk of my flesh got sliced off my bloody right middle finger, and my left knee got a lil' bruise. Okay, sorry God, I ain't immortal after all. You alone are.

The bloody finger

I lost 0.0012 kg instantly, permanently.

Thank God there wasn't any chicks around. Else I had to do push ups as a bloody cover up.

I mean, it's pretty normal for hunks to bloody do push ups in the middle of the bloody hot sun during bloody lunch hour in the bloody parking lot, wearing jeans and Oakley shades, right?

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Engineering Terms Make Cool Band Names

Ever wondered how people came up with band names? Those names that you chant to; Muse, Nickelback, Yellow Card, Racounters, System Of A Down, Death Cab For Cuties and my personal favorite coolness band name, My Chemical Romance.

When you try to decipher them, it actually means nothing. And it's the meaninglessness that makes their names cool. Like, who the heck knows what Red Jumpsuit Apparatus means?

In my opinion, band names sound cool when they are meaningless and when they show no signs of "trying too hard" to be cool, by adapting some bombastic words as their alias.

Recently I came across this webbie of our very own local "talent" show, Blast Off! with the complete list of finalists. I'm in no position to judge or anything, but as a listener/audience I certainly find some of their band names convincingly uncool. I mean, Dark Parade? That's such a pirated name!

Imagine:
MC: Next, we'll have High-vana on stage. Wait, is it Hee-vana, or High-vana? Urm, Hee-vay-na?

MC: Ladies and gentlemen! Put your hands together for.... Mu-zy-cle, is it? Mu, Mu.. Oh I get it, it's Musical! You got me there. Haha. You dyslexic bunch of guys.

An engineering student I am, and well, I came across a number of terms that in my opinion, sounds freaking cool. It actually carries no meaning when you first ponder upon it, but if you are an engineering student, you might have a clue what it is.

Green Sand Mould.
Confidence Interval.
Bending Moment.
Cast Iron.
Shear Stress.
Open Feedwater.
Exergy.

Think I'm bullshitting? Check out the links I've attached to each term for their meanings. Any of you studying medicine/psychology/apa-apa sahaja with any cool terms to share?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Paintball, 300 And RM300

I know this came in VERY late due to the ‘girl-having-moodswing’y WiFi connection I have here, but hope you guys would still enjoy this. (Refer to previous post if you are blur.)

So there were 25 of us battling it out in the paintball arena. But there were only 20 markers available (bloody killjoy) and 14 vests (somebody's gonna be bloody killed) available. So 20 went in, 6 without vests (I can feel their pain already).

The terrain was quite cool, with sloppy uneven grounds and barricades set in place, we had quite some fun shooting each other and hearing them scream.

Kim: Come Ben let's go nearer! We'll sneak behind the tree!
Ben: No! They're just in front of us!
Kim: We're out of range! Let's move out! GO GO GO!
Ben: NO NO NO!
Kim: Chicken! (Steps out)
Ben: KIMMMM!!
(Countless paintballs sprayed in his direction, Kim stared blankly)
Ben: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Kim: Ben... I love y.. *thud* (body lies on the ground)
Ben: Kim!! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!! (looks to the sky and scream)
Marshall: Oi, bangun la. You ingat you bikin filem Hollywood ka?

I managed to eliminate 4 enemies before I ran out of ammunition. I did get a shot, on my white Adidas sneaker. Boy was I furious...

Me: WHO THE HELL SHOT MY SNEAKERS?! COME OUT!
Enemy: Huh?
Me: IT'S DIRTY NOW! ARE YOU GONNA WASH MY SHOE?
Enemy: Oh, shut up. (starts shooting)
Me: WAAAAAAA... SORRIIiiii... (runs wild)

In the end, Kim came out with two real bad marks one on each arm. Some said it was actually Ben who gave him a real nasty love bite. Yea, they're both guys.

Zero body count, less than 5 blue black marks among all present, Wan Yean the Immortal was unhurt, chicks that got hit manja-ing around, wet t-shirts... Ahhh.... fun day it was. And yeah, paintball was fun too.

*****

At night, we decided to watch 300, the movie everybody is talking about now. And I almost ended up paying 300 to the government.

While driving to the cinema:
Ben: I heard there's a lot of sex scenes.
Ck: (Excited) Ohh yeahh!
Me: (Excited) Ohh oohh yeaah!
Kim: I think I'll buy you the tickets to the movie, out of generosity.
Me: Whoa, what's the occasion?
Kim: The policeman is flagging you down.
Me: SHIIIITTT!

What happened next was very un-Malaysian. So if you are a patriotic person, please do not read on.

Cop: The speed limit for this road is 80km/h. You were driving at 92.
Me: Wha? Holy smoke, I didn't realize it!
Cop: I'm sorry to say this, but the summon is RM300. Hand over your I/C and driving license, please.
(Cop starts writing)
Me: Shit...

In my mind I was contemplating, should I just bribe him? No, test water first..

Me: Sir, is it possible for me to make an appeal?
Cop: Go and ask the high ranking officers at the nearest police station, after I give you this.
(You bloody bitch, ask for money already!)

Attempt #1: failed

Cop: Oh, you're from Penang? (Looks at my I/C)
Me: Yeah, I'm a student here.
Cop: Graduating soon?
Me: 2 more long years to go. Well, is there any way to reduce this?
Cop: Sorry, I can't do anything.

(What are you, a monk from Tibet? Sure you're a cop?)

Attempt #2: failed

Me: (Mumbling away) RM300... I'm so broke...
(Cop turns over to the other page and continued writing)
Cop: Now you. Sign over here. (Blank piece of paper with my info on)
Me: ??
Cop: I'm letting you off with a warning, since you're a student.
Me: ARIGATOOO!
Cop: Remember now, the speed limit..
Me: Is 80km/h! I swear I'm gonna drive at 70km/h all my life! Thank you!

Zero attempt: FREE!

I sped off right away before he changes his mind. Till now I don't understand what happened. I got away without paying a single cent! No bribery involved, and I swear that I wasn't holding any Drumstick Spiro in my hands.

I am ever more convinced now that I, Wan Yean, is just so damn good looking.

It was truly my day. It’ll be a perfect day if it ended with me bumping into Hannah Tan who’s desperately in need of a man ride home. Still praying hard, not losing faith.

Last but not least, boys and girls, say no to corruption! Handle cops the “student” way!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Meeting New People

Me and my mates went for paint ball yesterday afternoon. Apparently there was another group of people who'd be joining us. Ben went over and met them for lunch earlier, and I just joined them for the game.

When we arrived at that place, Ben came down from the other car and rushed over like an over excited little boy who just found 20 cents in the toilet bowl.

Ben: You're gonna love this bunch of people.
Me: Why? They play DotA?
Ben: No.
Me: They drive big cool cars? They are filthy rich kids that will wipe their asses with RM50 notes?
Ben: No. And no. You go find it out yourself.
Me: What is it? Don't stop just there.. (One of the fellas approached us)
Stranger: Hi, I'm Joshua. What's your name?
Me: Oh, hi Joshua. My name.. my na-m-e.. Wha.. What did you just say?
Joshua: Errm, I'm Joshua. J-O-S-H-U-A, Joshua. And you are?
Me: OH MY GOD YOU SPOKE ENGLISH TO ME!!
Joshua: Err.. Yeah. Any problem with that?
Me: (Falls down onto my knees) HALLELUJAH! I AM SAVED!! (Tears rolls down from my eyes)
Joshua: (nudges Ben) Your friend is weird.

I call it the joy of finding your own kind. Amen.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

THE Blog: X Rated

I tried to view my blog from my faculty's computer lab and this is what I got in return:

It's offensive, hell yeah it is.

Kids (including those in public universities), please stay off my blog, cuz it pollutes your 12 year old matured mind. Just like how pornography will teach you about sex affect your actions and cause you to rape people.

You can't even rate is as Restricted, because those 18 and above can view R-rated stuff. No, not even X-rated, because above 21s can view it.

This... this blog is never meant for viewing! The evil inside is beyond anything that a man's mind can decipher!
(Concerned-Hollywood-movie-scientist-who-just-discovered-my-blog tone)


Don't attempt it, no matter how great the temptation is. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay off my blog.
(Mr Lim Guan Hoe, Physical Education teacher's advice about masturbation tone)

Idiotas. You guys blocked my blog?! Dan's Guardian? Who are you, Mr. Dan? You ever read my blog before you even block it?

If it is for the offensive crude language that I use, hell I can access The Only Beer Drinking Blog from here! Bloody hell.

Come to think about it, I'm really amazed by things that I am capable of doing without my knowing. Hidden talents, they call it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pure Club JB

At first I thought that we were hot. And a second later I realized; Bloody hell... They recommended us to a sleazy brothel!

Me and my mates got kinda adventurous and decided to try out some other club in town, rather than the same old Eskimo Joy.

So Ben asked his cousin for his recommendation, and his reply was NYCLUB, located at the basement of New York Hotel. Sounds like quite a cool place to be at, and the fact that you can tell people that you're partying up in NYC is even cooler.

After all, I do recall an acquaintance telling me that CLEO magazine named that place as a definite "must be at" night club. Cool, cool. Then I found this webpage giving good comments about it. Great. Ladies and gentlemen, we've found ourselves a new mad house.

Or maybe not.

Once we're there, we noticeed that they changed the name of that place to Pure club. And nothing in there is close to even being pure. Nice environment with a huge dancefloor. But it's an empty dancefloor.

Nevermind. Maybe the people will come later.

I looked around, and heck, that place is shrooming with chicks all over! Good. And before I'd even started to check any of them out, 2 chicks approached us and talked. Then the waitress came over too. Standing at 5 foot 4" maybe, she looked petite and cute. 3 chicks hitting on us before we even settle down! Tonight is the night, brothers where each and everyone of you will get laid!

Wait a minute.. I'm good looking but this is just absurd. Bloody hell... This is a God forsaken prostitute den!

The bitching waitress drank half my beer off, and they are so throwing their bodies at us, persuading us to buy them drinks. Frustrated, I asked:

Wan Yean: What do you want to drink?
Hoe: Chivas. I'm thirsty...

Bloody hell. She drank half my beer off and now she's complaining that she's thirsty?

Wan Yean: You fucking drank my beer!
Hoe: Aaaaa... I want Chivas..

Wan Yean: Fine. Where is the restroom?
Hoe: I want Chivas... Purrr...

Chivas... Chivas... Chibai la. Chivas this, Chivas that. Is that the only English word that you know? Or is your name Chivas? Chivas Ooi? Chivas Lim? Oh I know, it's Chivas Ho! Hmm. Finally I figured out what your name is. Brilliant, huh.

Nevermind. I just smiled and said later, the night was still young. Miss Chivas Ho then told me that when I wanna order, make sure that I order from her. Seeing that she is quite short, I teased her:

Wan Yean: You're too short. What if I can't see you and I order from somebody else?
Chivas Ho: Yiii... I know I'm short la. But what other girls have I also have, good enough right? *winks* Order Chivas ok?

Do I look like a 50 year old ham sap ah pek that would actually laugh to that or find that cute/funny in any way? Silly Ho.

Well, she actually did stuck by me and did not leave, maybe she was afraid that I'll order from some other waitress. Oh God save me. Seeing that I'm not much interested in talking, she tried to hit on Ben, who can't even curse in Mandarin.

Chivas Ho: You cannot speak Mandarin ah?
Ben: Yeah, I'm a banana.
Chivas Ho: If you're banana, then I'm abalone loh. (giggles) Order Chivas...

I was so gonna vomit my half bottle of Heinekken out on her face that very moment, though how hot and slutty she was. Enough! That is just unbearable! Disgusted, I told them mates to finish up their drinks and sped off.

We drove down the road and checked in to the same-o familiar place. Good ol' Eskimo. I'll never leave you nor forsake you again.

And you, ham sap cousin of Ben; you, some sort of night club review website; and you, CLEO magazine; WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?

Additional: After that night was over, I went for a HIV test cuz Ho drank from my bottle I realized that girls with no esteem is a bloody turn off for me. Be it a GRO or a college whore or a supermodel (exception for Hannah Tan, of course), it kills my senses. Gross is the word, disgusting is the feeling, STD is in their blood.

Well you can read the other side of the not so complete story here.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Adam & Eve 2

It's a crime when:

A guy talks about a girl's body.
"She puts the Coke bottle to shame! Dammit she's hot! No, I'm not talking about Kelly.. No, not talking about that kaya pau girl la. I'm talking about Yip Ji Mei tai pau here!"

He will be labeled as: Pervert, sei ham sap lou, dirty old man, disgusting.

It's perfectly fine when:


A girl talks about a guy's body.
"You all notice David's chest? That day I saw him took off his shirt at the beach, I was like, oh my God!! He is just sooo, hot! I like, purposely walk pass him, and when I'm right in front of him, I took off my shirt and show off my bikini top, and you know what? He was like, so looking at me and smiling!"

She, is just being a girl.


It's a crime when:

Guy and missus meets friends, and so happen another friend's girlfriend was there. And he says:
"John's girlfriend, Ling has a nice figure."


Translated: He doesn't appreciate his own girlfriend's appearance. A jerk who is not sensitive to her feelings. No sex for a month.

It's perfectly normal when:

Girl and boyfriend meets her bunch of friends, and so happen another friend's boyfriend was there. And she says this in front of all her friends:
"See, look at Ling's boyfriend, John and look at yourself la. You're so fat, with that big belly and spare tires around. (girlfriends giggling) Ah John ah, next time when you go for workout please drag this fat cow along with you. So lazy."

She was just joking. Her girlfriends will view the both of them as loving, cute and adorable.

It's suicide when:

He says:

"See, look at John' girlfriend, Ling and look at yourself la. You're so fat, with that big belly and spare tires around (everybody quiet) Ling ah, next time when you go for workout please drag this fat cow along with you. So lazy."

He is an asshole! Friends will view that guy as an ungrateful twerp. She is humiliated. He can start considering being a gay, after being dumped by the girl and boycotted by the whole female population in that area.

I'm expecting girly comments for this.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Blood Diamond


I watched Blood Diamond yesterday, and wow, I didn't expect it to be that intense. It is definitely one of the best shows that I've watched.

The story will definitely stalk your mind after the show. It sends a very strong message to viewers about the consequences of our luxurious cravings for rocks. Lurid and moving.


People suffered and died to bring you a piece of shiny bling. It is disturbing to see how children are manipulated by power-hungry people to kill people and the irony that people on this side of the world worship diamonds while people who walk on the grounds full of it consider it a curse to their lands.


To be honest, I think that everybody learned a thing or two from the show. Maybe most of you girls might have a different POV about diamonds and carats now. Or maybe you learned that you can insist on getting a conflict-free diamond.

As for me, who is not a big fan of diamonds, I did actually learned a thing from the show. British accent is sexy, bru.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

How To Talk Your Girlfriend Into Giving You A Blowjob

Okay, here I go; this is a rather random and crazy entry. Label me a pervert or maniac, I've already started writing.

Guys, don't be ridiculous and attempt this on your first date. And girls, be generous. :D

Definitely won't work:

1. If you love me, you'd do it.
This is the absolute taboo. Remember, you can rephrase it in a thousand ways and it'll work, but never ever use this line. Chicks got something against it, it's a mystery.

2. Look, I'll buy you that nice necklace if you do it for me, okay?
Only works if your girlfriend is a part time call girl.

3. All my ex-es did it for me! Donna, Anne, and even that nerdy bookworm Shane, yes even her!
Game over. You'll never get it in this lifetime, at least from her. She'd rather blow Stephen Hawkings rather than you.

4. Scientists recently found out that a woman's lips do actually serve a purpose.
That'll be a nice bar joke with your bunch of drinking comrades, but no, don't expect your girl to even laugh to it.

4. You know, I read somewhere that a guy's manhood contains a lot of nutritions? Yeah, it's better than those processed suppliment pills and vitamin C tablets that you suck on cuz it's natural, you see.
If your girlfriend is a health freak or suffering from some weird disease. Your manhood does not look appealing as food to them, remember!

5. Why are you reacting this way, it's just a blowjob! You're being such a sucker.
Her reply: If it's just a blowjob, then why are you making such a big fuss over it?

Fighting fire with fire will get everybody burned.

Common weapon of choice:

1. Darling, I was just wondering if... urm, nevermind then. No, really, urm, if you insist, well... I think I better not ask for it. It's just one of my silly fantasies.
Her heart will melt because you sounded so sweet being such a shy guy and being sensitive to her feelings. And she's in your fantasies, hmm...

If she hesistates?

2. It's an act of affection darling. Just like us holding hands, or hugging. Nothing more. I.. I just wanna feel closer to you.
Consider it done!

Never attempt to:

1. Take this you bitch!
Forcing her head down will only cause you to be hospitalized with a bleeding johnson.

2. Dear, remember when we talked about taking this relationship into a different level? Well, I think we should put the oral into action.
Wanna bluff 12 year old kid meh?

3. Look what I bought you darling! Yup, your favorite Haagen Daz! Oh shit, it dripped over there! Dammit, what a waste of money! (Sob)
She'll do it if you buy her favorite flavour and she's freaking tham jiak/gluttonous and kiam siap/stingy. Other than that, she'll be sweet enough if she would pass you towels to wipe yourself clean.

4. No darling, I respect you and your body. That's why I'm not asking for more than just this.
You are contradicting yourself!

5. You know, I really love it and I think you'll love it too? Please?
Your desperation is a big turn off. Be a man, remember to play it cool all the time.

If all means fail, go purchase one of these and read this blog while you DIY.

Guys, good luck and don't push it too hard. Or too deep. :)

And girls, don't be mean. :D

Disclaimer: Well people, this is a for fun only post, so no hard feelings or hard-ons. Treat your woman with respect, and ultimately things will work out, no worries.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Egg Cracker: The Making

When I first heard about this project, I was like "am I a Form 3 student or a uni student?" Heck, it sounded so secondary school; build a prototype with match sticks that can break eggs. And I've heard of projects from other universities out there making remote control lawn mowers and stuff.

Humpty Dumpty came to my mind.

We were given a whole month to do it, and being a procrastinator, I started just 2 days before the date line. Rush rush, but well I guess those years of scouting and making miniatures did pay off, finally.
Started from scratch, with my thoughts running wild without knowing where I'm headed to.
After about an hour, I sort of had something in my head, and well, that's the progress. And guess what, the idea came from Humpty Dumpty.

The concept: pull the trap, let the egg drop in, and then open up to remove egg.
This is where I'm putting the egg on. Yep, Humpty Dumpty will sit on this.
In the process, I got loads of dried up cum gum on my fingers. I can barely feel my skin there! Skip all the pain in the ass long processes, the almost finished product:
Finished project in the next entry, I do not have the picture with me now. I'll show you more innovative works from other students. Lazy boy I am, didn't bother to think that far. Still I managed to make a pretty neat one eh? Self praise is sure comforting.