Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dinner Yesterday

I was disappointed.

"Why the hell Penang got so many cars wan? Small island nia one day it'll sink ah! Oik go back home la all you crazy fellas! Why all like to come out today wan? Kannineh!"

I screamed out of anger. Of course, silently within me.

I was driving my parents out yesterday night to Gurney Drive for dinner (CHAR KOAY TEOW! YAY!) after a shopping spree, but then the plan failed because of all those food crazy people there that flooded the place earlier before us.


Typical scene in Penang during the school holidays. Gluttons from all around Malaysia (and some say Singapore) will flock over here for you know what. Char koay teow (primary target), asam laksa (secondary), ais kacang (what's after secondary, tertiary?), fried chicken skin (okay, this is getting tricky), and the list goes on.

And the amount of human beings roaming around- plus their cars; God Gurney looked like some street in Japan having an auto show! (minus the cool rides and sexy naughty kawaii race queens, of course.) I swear it was much easier to understand women than to find a parking spot there yesterday night.. And it aint even the weekends yet!

Imagine the Penang kia himself cannot get his hands on the long-craved after char koay teow. And the fried chicken skin. And pasembur. And those new arrival "clrear oredi D9 liao!" pirated DVDs.

And he ended up eating at some secluded coffee shop down the road. And the food there (it's only a coffee shop, I remind you) cost more than a meal at Pizza Hut. The 2lan-ness is maximized.

"Oi taukeh! I'm a Penangite, not a Singaporean tourist ok? I drive a Proton and I curse using Penang Hokkien ok? Slaughter also aim wrong target liao, kannineh!"

I screamed at the kopitiam boss. Silently in my heart.

So there goes my disappointment. Haven't tasted char koay teow yet since the day I'm back. I've been craving for it day and night! But dunno which is the best day to go Gurney Drive to eat it la, that place seems to be packed every night.

Never mind.

You might have escaped yesterday but you will not be that lucky again.

So here goes, this is for you:

Open letter to Char Koay Teow
Dear Gurney Drive Char Koay Teow,

Your days are counted.
I'm not stopping at any cost at all to get my way to you.
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
Digesting you soon.
Your biggest fan.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Slangs II: Penang Hokkien Rules!

Now that I'm back in Penang, I've gotta be switching mode again so that I won't sound silly when I talk to peeps here.

Wadde lo, before you accuse me of anything at all, no I'm not faking my conversations okay.. It's just a different way of communicating with different people lo. WOAHH..

Last Wednesday, when I was in Loft KL with the whole bunch of them uni students, the deejay (out of boredom, I suppose) mentioned a very famous word used in Penang. And I thought to myself what could it possibly be:

Is it jiak? (Eat)

Or leh ma? (Your mother)

Char koay teow maybe? (Fried koay teow, aiyah this word needs no translation)

Well, I don't really know, cuz you know, I'm from Penang Free School. Not because Free School kids don't swear, but heck, they swear too much that I don't know which one tops the popularity chart.

Eager to know what people from other states know about Penang, the deejay broke the silence (quite noisy la actually, house music = noise pollution) and said the magic word:


Yup, he said it right, correct intonation with the amplified KAN, toned down ni and a draggy NEH.

Then that dunggu fella went about KANniNEH-ing here and there and all over, thinking that he sounded cool or funny.

Well it was funny at first, but then when he went overboard, I almost wanted to unleash my Penang tongue to KAN that fella.

KANniNEH la, you're a deejay, not a trishaw ah-pek, shut your trap and play us some good music dork!

And you're not even a Penangite, so stop trying to sound like one!

And that was supposed to be the introduction to another edition of Wanster's Dictionary of Slangs, but come to think of it, if I'm to compile all the words people use here, this entry would really defile minds of the young.

Kids would be cursing and swearing all over, thinking that they sound real cool (actually, they do). What's next? People would blame Penang as the breeding ground of all bad words and be hated by the nation like how the U.S. hate Canada?

Nah, suddenly I got too imaginative. Watched too much South Park.

But then again, I am convinced that I need not put up a post about Penang slangs. You lan ciao kias out there know much more than me, I suppose.

Ahh. Feels good to be back home, with those familiar sounding swear words instead of those over-used tak cukup impacting diu or tiao. Penang Hokkien owns!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Why Do I Blog

Aahh, the good life. Exam free, touch-no-books for the next 1 month, zero stress life. What better thing to do than to lean back and blog.

Let's see, it's been quite some time since I last updated, and there's so many things (thousands!) that I wanna share with you guys out there, but heck no, I can't just possibly jump into that out of the blue.

So I guess the best way to get the ball rolling is for me to blog about this:
What happened to the blogging addict who would faithfully post up something everyday, that now he is barely checking his own stats and traffic?

I came across this blog which belongs to a friend of mine, where he actually explains why he blogs. I didn't bother to read, nah, I ain't into philosophies.

Then the thought suddenly came to my mind: Why do I blog then?

Nothing grand, actually.

I started blogging because I was bored back then.

Then I continued on because I was still bored.

And I blogged on because of readers and compliments.

But then again, it was because I was bored.

Then, it became a burden to blog.

It is such a pain in the ass when you have to think high and low about how/where you are gonna get Internet connection from.

But still, I persevered and blogged on.

Kudos, because I had nothing else better to do and I was bored.

Then it gets too burdensome to go online from wherever I was.

Then the moment came.

I got bored of blogging.

So I stopped.

But now that I am bored, I'm back to blogging again.

Grand welcome for Wanster.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

JB Slangs Part 1

I thank the Lord and the British colony for setting up English schools all over the country, and not forgetting parents that send their kids to English medium schools so that today, I, Mr. Tan can have friends to talk to and communicate with. But then again I realized that in every place there's a different slang or way that people talk with.

As if it ain't freaky enough that everybody speaks fluent Mandarin here, I found myself talking in a strange way when I met these bunch of guys. Well, it's running in my blood and tongue now whenever I speak to them, and I find it quite amusing and fun to speak the way they do.

Here's a short list of words that are usually spoken, complete with an example of how to use it.

WOOAHHH (Adjective)
1. To express shock, disgust, irritation, joy, cluelessnes and just about anything at all
Elaine: Henry Seely is mine loh, woah
Steph: What, mine ok? Woahh
Elaine: Mine la, WOAHH
Steph: Don't fight with me k? WOOAHHH!
Instead of being used at the begining of the sentence, it is usually used to end, maybe to end the conversation on a high note.
2. To express speechlessness
Jin: He like roti tisu lo
Wan Yean: Where got wor.. Woahh
Jin: Ehh don't bluff la k
(Suddenly a hot girl walks past by)
Wan Yean: WOOAHHH..
Jin: There! Proven!
This has got to be the most popular and widely used word around here. You'll probably hear it a thousand times in a single conversation. Normally accompanied by a hand gesture opened outwards to both sides like a waiter carrying two dishes on both hands.

Wadde (Adjective)
1. Almost the same as WOAHH, but it is normally used for more severe cases.
Jin: You perm your hair d then how u sleep ah?
Sze Yah: Sleep face down lo
Jin: Wadde you... Need or not ah
A polluted version of the famous wtf. Since nice people around here don't curse, hence the "f" is dropped and "wt" turns to be the only speakable term. Proper pronounciation: Wa is pronounced low (2nd pinyin), while de is with a higher note (4th pinyin). Personally, it sounds awful when you hear it, but it's fun to be the one saying it.

Sha-dap la... (Verb)
1. To show uneasiness and dissent over a comment made by sombody else in a rude way.
Wan Yean: Ei you wear the same zebra shirt again?
Elaine: Sha-dap la...
Use this as how you would use "f u la..". You won't go wrong, guaranteed.

GG (adjective)
1. To show approval of something that is good, to compliment.
Loon: The ais kacang how?
Chris: GG la
Loon: Sure ah? I order 2 bowls d
Chris: GG la.. Order 1 more for me
Loon: GG

7 Bucks (Noun)
1. To play Dota.
Loon: Do you have 7 bucks to spare?

10 Bucks (Noun)
1. To show interest and commitment to play Dota.
Wan Yean: I dunno bout you la, I got 10 bucks nia. No small change
Loon: GG

Sia (Adverb)
1. Used as intensifiers; similar to 'very', but it is placed at the end of the sentence.
Wan Yean: Ei the video GG rite
Chris: Wadde, disgusting sia! Make me wanna vomit nia
I thought that it was 'sial' at first, but then again I was wrong. Sounds awefully weird when spoken continuously, when it appears like 30 times per minute.


Makes me think of this guy:

Shame on you if you don't know who Kenny Sia is.

With the addition of WOAHH and wadde in between:


Oh God, my ears! Help!

By the way, today's my birthday! Wadde lo, I'm 21 now, can enter casino already! GG sia!
(The rightful reaction to give in this kinda situation is by saying WOAHH, just so you know.)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Ben's 21st Birthday: After And Before

Yesterday (02 Nov) we celebrated Ben's birthday at his house. Nothing fancy though, but it was crazy and silly fun, considering how close our final exams are approaching now and still, we're still all jolly. Good stress management.

It was a simple barbeque dinner with everybody contributing to make it happen, and as it is much like a tradition here now, the birthday boy contributed by paying for everything else on top of helping out with the preparations.

Party animals.

The real party animal. He sure did enjoy all the leftovers and bones.

Exclusive after and before pictures included below to show some disgusting behind the scene stuff that can only be shown after the party.
After:Orange juice from cordial and 1.5kg sugar (It was not sweet enough, still!) Gross?

Before:Just don't ask what they use that pail for, I don't wanna know either. I took 7 cups of that thing.

Home made birthday cookie for the birthday boy
After:Straight into the mouth. So sweet of them guys to bake him cookies.

Mouth watering crunchy cookie!

Before:The cow dung/dough.

After knowing the truth:
Even the puppy's not eating it. Poor Ben.

Let's hope the party kids don't see these. Happy birthday Ben. Enjoy talking nonsense with you during the "after party". Haha.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Do You Know Them All?

Do you know everybody in your Friendster's 1st degree friends?

I remember those days when I was crazy hunting down my friends through Friendster, eager to add more into my contact list. It's like a battle of pride and glory, to show people how famous you by the number of friends you have. And I remember that I always fail to outdo them others.

Wan Yean: You have 89 friends
Any other average user: You have 178 friends

So I struggled hard to search high and low for my friends everywhere around, keeping in my mind to at least reach the 100 friends target to save my face. And when that glorious day cometh...

Wan Yean: You have 100 friends
Any other average user: You have 500 friends (my account is so full! ^_^ add me at my second account~>

What the? How the hell could it be possibly possible for someone to have that much friends and, wooarrghh it's just a big blow to me. So from then on I decided to forget about the whole Friendster thing, knowing for now that it was kinda stupid to get so frustrated over it.

Then came one day when I got hold of my 500++ friends friend, and I popped him the question:

Wan Yean: You actually have that much friends?
Guy friend: Nah, actually I just browse trough people's profile, and whoever I see pretty I add nia loh. Hehehe

What the?

Full of disbelief, I asked a female 500++ friends friend the same question:

Wan Yean: You must be a big time socialite like Paris Hilton herself!
Girl friend: No la, got guys add me I ma accept nia loh. Hehehe

They even laugh the same way after telling me that.

Ain't Friendster about keeping a list of your personal friends that you know, so that you can just click upon their profile once in a while to see how they are doing, where they are studying or working at, their marital status, and the bullshit decorations that they put on their profiles?

Ben Khor the lawyer said:
"I know everyone in my Friendster okay"

Respecto, bro.

I take pride in knowing MOST of the people in my list too, rather than having tons of them in my list and not even knowing them at all.

How many real friends do you have in your list? Okay stop, you don't have to go about defining friends. Just count them, I'd like to know :D