Monday, July 31, 2006

Read Their Facial Expressions, Read Their Thoughts

What are they thinking of?

He is actually singing:
"I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my shirt collar, too sexy for you. Ooh look at my fringe, look at my fringe; and hear me: I'm too sexy for my fringe, too sexy for my hair, too sexy for your lenses, too sexy ohh ohh..."
Uurgh. I just somehow dislike people with a cocky look.

She is probably thinking to herself:
"Do I look silly enough? I'm gonna post this up on my Friendster. Oh yeah. Reverse-camwhoring rules."
She must be a reader of Alynna's.

She is trying to tell ME:
"I'm horny and I'm lonely. When will you undress me? Come over here, sweetie. Feel on me. Let me show you what I can do. Oochie moochie oohlala.."
Sorry Amber, I'm more of a Hannah kinda guy.

What is on her mind:
"Who's gonna get me another Tiger?"
You will never ask for another Tiger, darling, once you've tasted this Tiger here! Roarrr...

What is he thinking of:
"I know I just said something absurd. But I've already said it out. Oh silly me. Now I've gotta convince them that I'm serious about it. Oh God. Okay I know I know. I'll do my pangsai face. Yes. See I'm very serious guys and girls. Yes. I hope they won't laugh at me."

How the world reacted to what he said:


What did he actually say? Well, this was found on News Straits Times recently:


Malaysia in World Cup 2018? Guys and girls, show me your teeth one more time!


Don't cha just love 'em gahmen people? Very entertaining indeed!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Something About Buzzy Wuzzy

Buzzy wuzzy. Oh golly gosh. The wuzzy-world's coming to an end! Buzz. The sky is turning black; wuzz darker and darker. Wuzzy wuzz I better look for a place of refzzuge and move to a buzz buzz place on earth with lights on. At leaszzt the world won't end as soon as it wuzzy would over here... Bzzz.

And hence, this tiny flyer came into my room and caused me to lose my sleep.

Wuzz wuzz! Must... Embrace... Lights! Wuzz!

I wonder, if that is what every single bee is thinking of when they hover over to our room with fluorescent lights.

Buzz buzz! Lights... Good! Wuzz!

I mean, why, bee, why? Why do you have to buzz around the lights when it's already so late at night?
Don'cha have to go back home to your hive to see your beloved queen that is twice your size and make love with her alongside thousands of other bees? (translated: orgy)

Eew. That's gross. Maybe that is why this particular bee is drifting out late into the night.

If I am a bee, I'd rather jerkov myself than to do her with all the others around.

I see some similarity... The same principle applies for her.

When I was younger I remember getting stinged by a bee halfway through my sleep. The pain actually woke me from my deep sleep and I cried out in pain.

Well, from that day onwards I had this kinda phobia to sleep with bees around my room. Buzzystingyouwhileyouaresleepingphobia, I call it.

So whenever I see a bee hovering over the lights above me, I'll suddenly think about this:

Followed by:

But I'm not gonna do that cuz I'm not a vet or a psychopath or Jim Carrey.

Or maybe I can turn off all the lights in my room and WWWWWOOAANNGG...

Yes... Fly to the light, you lil pathetic bee.. Yessss...

But I can't do that because I'm not Luke Skywalker or Duke Seaswimmer.

Wanna know what I did? Smack the bee with my slippers and go back to sleep? Spray Shieldtox and go back to sleep? Call the Fire and Rescue Department for help?

Mr. Compassionate Wan Yean turned off his room lights, opened wide his room door and waited for an eternity (loses sleep!) for the blur fella to fly out into the corridor outside.

Go now, Mr Bee. Spread your wings and fly into the horizon. You're free now. Take care now, be good and do not...


The guy who stays opposite my room came out, saw the poor bee and smacked it with his slippers, and gave me one weird-ass look (I'm sitting on my chair outside my room with the door wide open) and walked off to the toilet.

Dammit. I feel so stupid. I coul've done that myself. So much of being a compassionate man.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Inspirational

I've got goosebumps all over after reading about Bennie's Convocation. He talks about his life, ad his relation with God and how he made it thru with God's guidance and direction.

I wonder how would I feel when my day comes. What would I write about in my blog. What memories will I carry on with me when I leave this place. How would I be different from now.

Bennie, you make me ponder and wonder about own uni life now. And for the third time I'm gonna say this, I'm damn proud of ya. From the years of stupid lame wastala jokes til this present day, I admire your faith in God. Keep on running the race, and congrats!

Footnote: I'm not referring to this Ben. No way. Never. You gotta be kidding.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Sharing, Bragging, Exaggerating

Let me explain to you the dynamics of a conversation. Generally, there are thousands of different types of conversation. I'll just talk about conversations that involves "sharing".

Sharing involves talking about real life incidents that happened to you, or somebody that you know to your friends or people you meet. The objectives of sharing are:
  • To break the ice when there's nothing to talk about, and then
  • To impart wisdom to somebody and share your life experience to that person, and finally,
  • To impress people about how cool you are, ultimately.
I don't know about you, but it sure irritates me when it leads on from "sharing" to "bragging" and "exaggerating". Don't understand how it goes? Examples below:

Situation 1: At the cafeteria
Wan Yean: Fuh! I saw a damn hot chun chick just now! Must be a junior I think!
(Sharing.)
Friend1: Hey, I saw TWO just now walking towards me and they smiled at me!
(Bragging.)
Friend2: Yeah, then they came over and asked me for my phone number!
(Exaggerating.)
Wan Yean: They must be some hooker from Jln Wong Ah Fook I guess.
(Irritated.)
Friend3: My friend who is studying in Japan says there are thousands of chun chicks everywhere man.
(I can't see where is he hitting at.)

Situation 2: Out for dinner at coffee shop, having a meal recommended by me
Wan Yean: Man, I tell you, I really love the noodles here! Tastes damn good!
(Sharing.)
Friend1: Okay la, but I tasted better back at my hometown. RM2, you'll eat to your heart's content!
(Sharing + bragging a lil.)
Wan Yean: Hey, this is Johor, dude, I'm glad enough I get to taste noodles this good here.
(Proving my point.)
Friend2: True la, but I tell you, the meal I had yesterday was freaking good! Taste like, thrice as good as the noodles here! Got 4 prawns, minced crab meat, shark’s fin, beef patty, clamps, abalone, and can you believe it, it’s only RM1.50!
(Exaggerating. Ignored.)
Friend3: My friend who is studying in Japan said that the noodles there taste the best!
(Airy fairy again.)
Wan Yean: And again I stress unto you, that this is Johor. Especially you, Friend3.
(Proving my point again.)
Friend3: My friend who is studying in Japan said that Tokyo is much better than Johor.
(I gave up on him from that moment on.)

Okay, maybe I exaggerated a lil about how they exaggerate (except Friend3); but still, exaggeration is found in almost every blog, rite?

Friday, July 21, 2006

How To Make The World Pray More

Situation: At the Vatican secret meeting chamber during a meeting
Pope: How are we gonna inspire people around the world to pray more?
(Silence in meeting room)
Melly: Erm, your highness, maybe we can do this.
Pope: Yes, I'm listening.
Melly: Why not we get bloggers to end their posts with a prayer, so that when viewers read their blog, they will read their prayers too, and it'll inspire people to pray and...
Pope: And by reading the prayers that will actually make them pray along too! Brilliant!
Melly: Urm, your highness, I don't think prayer works that way, you see..
Pope: Great! Now, get all my Christian brethrens to end their posts in their blogs with the sinner's prayer! Then we'll have a jump in conversion rate!
Melly: But your h...
Pope: You're brilliant!

Nah, just a random thought that popped out from my head.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wanster Vs Puny Blogger

It's humiliation, I tell you.

You'll probably might know that I do visit Starbucks and sit my asses down there for the whole day there to blog.

And so happens that one fine day, this stranger came up to me with a huge backpack behind his back and asked whether can he hitch a ride to Starbucks with me. And you'll probably might know that I'm a real kind person, and it'll do no harm to just give him a ride.

The stranger and the puppy eyed face.
"Please la, take me there la.."

And so happens that this guy blogs too. Great, so once we're there, he insisted that he wanna sit with me and we both blog together. And you'll probably might know that I'm a very sociable person and I do not mind sitting with strangers. So, we sat down together and blogged. He even showed me his blog.

The stranger's blog. With cute coffee cup.

But it's totally not fair if you're to associate me with him. No way.

Yes, that's how I'll react.

One barista walked up to us and identified us as best of friends. I was like, what the brew?!

So I reacted like that.

I over-react? Try gulping this down your throat.

He'll jump on you once every 15 minutes and growl "my prreeecciioouussss..!!".

Every 15 minutes.

You'd probably hit him, but I was nice enough to just give him that look.

First of all, I don't know him. And please, do not tick me off, I don't wanna go about asking people in my MSN whether do I look like a friend to this stranger and blog about it.

But I did asked a few people. Here's the bits of the conversation.

Conversation 1
Me: Do I look like him?
Friend1: No.
Me: Uh huh...
Friend1: Yeah.
Me: ....
Friend1: What?
Me: And...?
Friend1: And, what?
Me: You're suppose to elaborate more!
Friend1: Elaborate, what? You don't look like him, thats all!
Me: No, you don't get it. You're supposed to say that he is ugly and all that and flatter me!
Friend1: You're crazy.
Me: FINE! YOU'RE UGLY TOO!

Conversation 2
Me: Do I look like him?
Friend2: Nope.
Me: Uh huh...
Friend2: Hey, you watched the latest South Park episode from Season 10? Damn funny I tell you!
Me: ...
Friend2: I think Eric is cute. He is just funny.
Me: We're not done here.
Friend2: Huh? What you're talking about?
Me: You're suppose to say that I look good and he is ugly!
Friend2: Am I supposed to say that? Okay, fine. Hey do you watch Family Guy?
Me: ...
Friend2: Oh, so you don't. You should give it a try, I tell you. Bla bla bla ...

And you, Mr. Stranger, you're ugly a lil less good looking than me. Yes, we both have small eyes, but there is no way and not fair for anybody make a connection out of that and assume that we're friends and buddies. And our eyes are so
yours ugly, mine chun different! Hell no.

His tiny eyes.

Next, I do not want this guy to be blogging back in retaliation about how rude I was. No fighting, says Wyclef Jean. Exactly.

And of course, I wouldn't wanna write a letter of apology to this guy about how sorry I was, or else I might be sued for defamation. Oh no. Don't get me started, Mr. Barista.

Oh shite. He saw my entry already. He knows I'm talking bout him! Oh God. Save me. Oh silly me.

Clarification: This post is purely fictional and made up (like Kyel's poetries). There is no reference made to any person in real life, be it dead or alive, and in any case there is any it is 100% accidental and unintentional. I don't even know why the hell I wrote it. Maybe because it's been a while since I've last acted silly and behaved like a immature kid.

Man, wasn't that fun? I wanna do that again! =)

Footnote: Ben coincidentally had sniffles again after he wasn't selected for the hostel's basketball team. Read them here. And coincidentally he look so damn alike that stranger...

Monday, July 17, 2006

Rock n' Roll, Always n' Forever

Oh so old school. I never thought that I'll turn back to you. I thought that I had long abandoned you and that you are not my type anymore. And I thought wrong. I'm still in love with you. Yes, you still linger around that corner of my senses and I can see the ghost of you around me, and the sweet tingling sensation that it brings to my nerves whenever I hear you.

Good ol' rock music. You're back on my playlist. Be it alternative, acoustic, punk or slow rock, I'm so hooked. Brew them looped, repeat-that-beat-60-over-times, no-musical-talent-just-sex-appeal hip-hop club tunes. It's getting bo-ring, guys. Gimme Disagree's Suicide Note on any occasion at all, and I'll be humming to it right away. Or Ashley Parker Angel's Let U Go. I'll be screaming my lungs off as if I'm on a huge ass stage with thousands of cheering fans.

There's something that rock music offers that the new breed of hip hop and R&B can't. It's called variation and rhythm. Not forgetting the energy in it.

Rather than hearing the same tune over and over again while some rapper with his clique talk over it, even worse, spoiling the song with shouts of "Yeah"s, "Aww"s and "Uh huh"s, rock musicians actually work on both the vocals AND the music.

Rather than just throwing parties, showing how much dough they have, how many girls they brewed, how much alcohols they boozed and leaving the music production to the studios, rock musicians actually write their own songs on most occasions and work on their music with their own talents.

Rather than dressing up pretty and sexy for the female artists, singing and rapping about how good they are on bed, how dangerous their cliques are, how they robbed and killed their "enemies", rock musicians actually sing songs with lyrics that made some sense.

Old flames die hard. Especially when it's something that rocks.


Ashley Parker Angel's Let U Go. Can't find Disagree's.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Room With Posters

I moved in to my new room and now its time to flaunt it again to all you viewers (as if it's THAT interesting). Hey, of course it is interesting. Its on THE Blog, dammit!

Well, thats my bed right there, and the unfolded blanket. Yes mum, I heard you. I'm folding it right after this... Man I need a housewife around here. You said maid? Housewife = unpaid maid + you can get laid. Which is better then? *biggrin*

And that's my study table, with no books on except that thick bed time story book by John Grisham. Some study table it is.

Well as you can see, I sticked some posters around my room. No, it's not placed there by random. Every single one of it has it's own significance. Yeah, I'm a deep person. Nah, I just bullshit. Read them anyway.

Right above my study table:


Point of view 1: So that whenever I get bored of my books, I'll look up to it; lo and behold I'll see the (green) apple of my eye, the RX-8, and that'll remind me that I have to study and work hard in order to be able to own it one day.

Point of view 2: You study too much. Now grab your gamepad and rev some virtual engines!

On my door:

Point of view 1: To remind myself everytime before I get out of my room that there is a huge possibility of me bumping into someone as hot as her, any day at all. Be positive.

Point of view 2: Why bother going out. Your own room is the only place you'll ever get to see a chick this hot. You're in UTM, dammit.

On my notice board:



Point of view 1: To show me what day it is... Duh.

Point of view 2: FHM Malaysia is doing a bad job in baring the girls. I bought your mag to see the girls, not their clothes!

Next to my bed:


Point of view 1: A good reminder of something that I wont wear to go to bed with. You love your fcuk shirt and sleeping with it on is a complete no-no.

Point of view 2: Sad reminder of something that I will never get to do on my bed.
Extra note: P.O.V. 1 can be relieved on the event I am wearing it when P.O.V. 2 fails.

In the event that I ever do get murdered by some albino in this room (choi! Touch boobs oops I mean wood), tell Robert Langdon to view this entry and stop speculating.

P/S: Oh yea, I changed my font. Like it better this way? Tell me tell me baby.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Meeting Juniors

1st year students are in, and it is some sort of a tradition for the 2nd year students to greet them, welcome them, "yam cha" together, give them our rubbish (translated: books and notes), rag them, torture them, make them polish our shoes and wash our clothes. Well, that's not the case for us this time around, we're extremely good to them. Well, we're just good and kind folks that will take good care of them just like our own little brothers and sisters.

(While on the way to our first meeting)
Fei Zai: I'm thirsty. I feel like drinking 4 cans of 100 Plus.
Kuat: I need to top up on my petrol. Some cash would do just fine.
Ah Meng: Yea, and I think my knuckles are itchy (cracking fingers)
Gay Looi: Hey, my balls are itchy too! (evil laugh)
Everybody: ...
Fei Zai: Come to think of it, I'm actually quite hungry. Maybe I can have 3 plates of FREE chicken rice along with my FREE 100 Plus.
Kuat: I wonder how much it is to top it to full tank. RM200? (evil laugh)
Ah Meng: And while you're at it maybe I can practice those swings and upper cuts (punches air)
Gay Looi: And while you're at it maybe I can get my balls scrathed! (drools)
Ah Meng: STOP IT!! (punches Gay Looi)
Everybody: Relax! Let it out on the juniors, not ourselves!

(At our first meeting)
Gay Looi: Yaaaayyy my balls will be scratche...
Ah Meng: And my knuckles gonna...
Fei Zai: Free flow of 100 Pl...
Kuat: Where is my RM200...
*Everybody stares at the multitude of people*
Gay Looi: Okay, erm, welcome to UTM! Make yourself feel at home!
Ah Meng: If there is anything you need call us ANYTIME at all! Anytime!
Fei Zai: Come, let me treat you guys a meal!
Kuat: Need transport, call me! Don't worry bout the petrol money and all that!
*Juniors cracking knuckles*

7 Seniors, 19 Juniors. Age vs quantity, a walk over victory for quantity.
Now you believe me that we're really kind and good to them.

Footnote: Wondering who are those guys? Have a good look here.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Geniuses We Are

(2 months ago)

Wan Yean: Ei, where you guys planning to stay next sem?
Ben: K10.
Adrian: K10.
Ck:
K10.
Ah Meng: K10.
Fei Zai: K10.
Kim: K10.
Normie:
K10.
Kuat: K16.
*All stare at Kuat*
Kuat: There got Internet! And the rooms are huge, spacious!
*All stare at Kuat, holding bottles and parang*
Kuat: Okay, okay..
K10. *sweats*

Wan Yean: Why K10?
Ben: Dunno, follow them wan. *points at Adrian*
Adrian: *points at Ck*
Ck:*points at Ah Meng*
Ah Meng: *points at Fei Zai*
Fei Zai: *points at Kim*
Kim: *points at Normie*
Normie: *points at Ben*
Kuat: *points at the bottles and parang*

Wan Yean: But there got no Internet leh...
Everybody: Ei, come la stay together-gether la..
Kuat: *points at the bottles and parang*
Ben: Come la, no man is an island. *puppy eyes* Ple-e-a-se-e-e...
Wan Yean: Err...
Fei Zai: Yea, then can play Dota together ma...
Wan Yean: Uh huh...
Ah Meng: And can discuss assignments together..
Wan Yean: Erm.. Yeah..
Kuat: *points at the bottles and parang*
Wan Yean: Okay la, stay with you guys la.

(now)

Wan Yean: Ben, which room are you in?
Ben: I'm on the 2nd floor, room 3048. You?
Wan Yean: 3rd floor, room 4032!
Ben: ..! Kuat?
Wan Yean: 4th floor, room 5002! Ah Meng leh?
Ben: Room 2033, 1st floor!
Wan Yean: ...

So much of the "staying together", we're actually miles apart now, spreaded out all over on the x, y, and z axis of K10 building.

Friday, July 07, 2006

UTM Ain't That Bad After All

It's not such a bad place after all. I mean, UTM is a great place to study in. Its conducive and healthy environment builds the right atmosphere for all young and eager to succeed future engineers to concentrate on what they are pursuing after and to achieve their goals in life.

See, for the past year, I've been charged guilty of complaining a whole lot about UTM. Oh, I was too naive back then. I didn't realise that IT WAS ALL FOR MY OWN GOOD.

No girls. It's a good thing! Opposite sexes were, are and will always be a distraction for human beings and animals alike. UTM realised this fact way before any of us undergraduates figured anything out, and well, they acted for the betterment of it's students.

KUDOS UTM.

12 o' clock midnight curfew. It's all understandable. The world is evolving. Back then in the 1960s, you can walk down the road naked (and you're a girl), people will stop by, take a look at you and clothe you (poor girl). But now, try walking down the road topless (you're a guy) and you'll be first spotted by some pedestrians that will blog about you, then get robbed, raped, beaten to death by rapist, revived by the medics, taken to the hospital and get charged by the police for indecent public behaviour. UTM saw this way before us, tender, innocent infants that are too young to distinguish good and bad.

KUDOS AGAIN, UTM.

Stay in at the hostels for the rest of my years of study. Another brilliant move by UTM. They understood the financial struggles of students, especially the escalating rent rates outside (from RM90+ to RM100+), and they did their best to cater to the students' need.

"We make it compulsory for them to stay in, and thus they don't have to face the fluctuating prices of rents outside. Make the cheapest rate RM90 a month, a small tiny cubicle for two. For private rooms, make it RM120. and with Internet connectivity, RM135+. And we make it a point that our rent rates will NEVER fluctuate. That will be good for the students."

THANK YOU, UTM.

So to wrap it up, I'm gonna say something that I should have said back then, a year ago when I got this offer into UTM.


I LOVE YOU, UTM. THANKS FOR BORING ME, LEAVING ME WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT TO THINK OF THIS ENTRY UP AND TALK GOOD ABOUT YOU. FOR ONCE.

Congratulations to all who successfully made it into UTM. Enjoy the loving care that the uni provides. Parents, your kids are in safe hands. Sick, twisted, but safe hands.