Tuesday, May 30, 2006

She Left Me

"Where'd you go?
I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,

Please come back home"

Holly Brook

She's gone. I just woke up one morning and realised that she's not there anymore. Never to come back again. I can't describe my emotions. I can't believe it I'm so mindbrewed again.

I remembered the details well. Your details. It started off so well. But then again, it ended so suddenly. You were the finest looking one among them all. You caught my eyes right at the moment I lay them on you. So fine. I remembered the way you fitted into me so well. Your embrace. The way you wrap your arms around me. The comfort of it. It felt so good.

Though we're out for, mostly casual occasions only, I cherished all those moments I spent with you. You looked good on all of the occasions, and you made me look good too. I was so proud that you were mine. Those envious looks from others. I was just so glad you were mine.

I know you did not get enough of my attention. I shove you aside most of the times when I was out. Maybe that's why you left. But I recalled that night when I was so tired after being out for the whole day. I left you out. I did not bother to even care about your whereabouts. I shutted you out. You were outside and I was inside. Left out in the cold. Maybe that got you thinking. And you decided that somebody more deserving can take my place.

And that somebody stole you away from me.

Baby, if you're reading this (most probably not), I'm asking for you back. Give me one more chance. I'll treat you like a princess. Come back to me.

But you'll never come back and I know it. I have to accept the fact now that you're gone.

Given the chance, I'm gonna fight to get you back. I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

Damn.

Baby.

You were the finest pair of sandals I've ever owned. And you're a FILA, DAMMIT!!

Whoever the motherbrewer that stole my sandals away from me, BREW YOU! Don't let me see you wearing it, or else I'ma Abu Dhabi you man!



Confusing? Here's the summary of the story: My sandals got stolen. Try reading it again.

Monday, May 29, 2006

UTM Security Maggots

When I was deciding on what should I do with my life, as in what should I go into in the aspects of work, Tommie advised me to "do what you like". "You would think that you can pull thru because you're doing it for the big sum of money that it's got to offer, but remember, you'll burn out and your fuse blow off in no time when the interest is not there," he said. He added, "You gotta love your job to be able to wake up every morning, feeling fresh and really look forward towards having a great day ahead".

I remembered those words very well. Now if only he had said the same thing towards the park guards at the UTM entrance, because they surely do not find any job satisfaction being a floor mat.


"Do what you like"
I do not recall seeing any of the security guards putting a smile on their face while at work. Maybe they shouldn't smile when at work, but hell, just take one stare into their saddistic face, and you know that ALL of them are suffering real bad from the mid-life crisis. Imagine being in their shoes. Imagine those lonely afternoons they endured when they couldn't fall asleep inside the guard house, and thoughts just start to flash by their heads.

"What have I done for the past 30-40 years of my life?"

"Well, I screwed up real bad in Form 3, can't continue on to Form 4, went job hunting a while, and finally I managed to secure a job as a watch dog."

"My contributions? Hmm. 3,491 samans issued so far, amounting to a total payout for UTM of RM87,275 and with 10% of it going to me as incentives, hey, I've earned myself RM8,727.50 for the past 30-40 years! Not forgetting all those times I worked myself so hard to create as much trouble as I can for the students, stepping in the way of tiny cars with stickers, letting in big-ass Beamers and Civics without stickers PLUS getting a nod of respect from the big-ass drivers (I'm so proud of myself!), and doing it all for one common reason: to make UTM a safer place."

"...you're doing it for the big sum of money"
The only reason I can conclude out from this sane mind of mine, that there are actually people who would take up this job and to do it for the rest of their lives is simply this: they are losers. They are not qualified. They can't find a job anywhere else. They cannot fit in to the demands of the society. All they can do is just survive pathetically and waste earth's resources. And for that very same reason they are hired to be UTM guards. And trust me, even if they are paid RM500 per month, it's a way too large sum of money, paid to just survive. Don't you even start with "they are paid to take care of your safety". I don't feel any safer with their presence around, not a single soul in here feels the same. And they are paid using my money, bitch!

"...your fuse blow off in no time when the interest is not there"
I can barely survive doing what they do for even a week, even if you're to pay me double their salary. Imagine them doing the same thing over and over again for the past, 30-40 years? Don't talk about fuse here, I think their brains are already blown off into pieces for ages now.

"Mana matrik kad?"

"You tau, I boleh bagi you satu saman tau? Jangan main-main!"

Imagine repeating that same sentence to every single matric card-less students driving in with no car stickers. Lets say, there are 20 in a day. So that makes it 140 in a week. And in a month, 4,200 times. A year, you ask? 51,100 times. Now think 30-40 years. Sometimes I do pity them. But most of the time I would rather see them being runned over by a huge lorry.

"You gotta love your job to be able to wake up every morning, feeling fresh and really look forward towards having a great day ahead"
Imagine them waking up in the morning, feeling dizzy and giddy after falling asleep on their desks when they were supposed to be "watching over the door and ensuring the safety of the university" during the midnight shift. What is there for them to look forward to? What kinda great day is there ahead for them? More cars to see, passing them by, and feel demented deep down inside because they can't own one? And always finding the opportunity to make life hard for young, successful car owners out of jealousy? I think all of them will score with flying colors the entry test for Hospital Bahagia.

Get a life, folks. You can start by viewing my blog. That is if, you guys understand what I wrote.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Your One-Stop Family Store

After lunch this afternoon with 3rd floorers (translated: friends that used to live at the 3rd floor back in my old hostel block), we decided to do a lil' shopping. Since Jusco is quite a distance away, we decided to go for this ultra retro looking "supermarket" that was just across the street.

Beware, Jusco.. Your evil twin Jalal is here.

It somehow reminds me of the good ol' Lai Lai Supermarket that was situated in Air Itam, Penang. Back then (I was only like, standard 5) Lai Lai Supermarket was "THE" place to be. They've got KFC, toys section, and... God knows what was it that made me wanna go there, but I can recall those times when I begged papa to take me there just to jalan-jalan.

I stepped inside. I felt like a lil' child again. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and inhaled the air inside that place. It's got that stench, like how all the other older looking supermarkets have. Refreshing as always. All around me I can see families doing their groceries, kids puppy-eyeing their parents for those Made In China plastic toy pistols, shouts of aunties arguing with the cashier over the wrongly priced item and all. Oh such joy.

As I walked I heard noises (Hiyakk! Hoiikk! Zapp! Swooossshhh..) behind the store, and I decided to go check it out. I imagined to myself 5 year olds might be playing at the back of the store. Oh how wrong I was. There was this oversized kid who had a soft side for face masks playing around with it, and I managed to catch it on camera.

With great imagination comes great insanity.

Bzzzt! Make sure you don't screw this shot or I'll zap you!

Go go Power Rangers!

Apparently that fat boy was taken off in a police car after scaring an old female customer into a deep coma. I can still remember the great battle he had with the policemen (Boy: By the power of Greyskull.. I'll zap you uniformed men into cats! Hii-yaaakkk!!). Ooh. Ugly scene.

After all the drama, I finally go about the store looking for stuff that I wanted to buy. And I came across this (nope, it's not on my shopping list):

Shoot! condoms. Tagline: Just come.

I wonder how the people came about with that name. Is it asking users to just shoot! and you don't have to worry about it, or is it more like a "Shoot! You're telling me that you're three months pregnant now?!" shoot. But still. I marvel at the wonderful products that can only be found only in this kinda stores.

I hope they could raise enough funds to bail Fei Zai out of the lock up.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Appendix

Found words in my blog that you don't quite understand?
Your one-stop solution for unknown words!

penguin - no, I'm not referring to Jasimine, or however you spell it. I'm referring to girls with head covering, or tudungs. Aight. No hard feelings. Penguins are cute.


brew - a substitute word (gonna be used quite oftenly now I guess) for the F-word. Was too brewed up that night when I posted Clarification, was a lil high on Hen, and the F-word appeared there in that post. Guess what, my faculty blocked access to my blog for that! So, I have to resolve to this.

Erm. I guess that's all. Any there are any other words that you don't understand, please, pick up that thick dictionary of yours, and start flipping.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Let's Do Something Fun Tonight!

I came close to making my name in the records book today. This close. How close? Imagine you're naked in front of a naked hot girl, and you're almost there, your rod is already fiddling her socket when all of a sudden you need to pee, and the moment you're out, she's gone. Yeah. That close.

What record, you ask? The first Malaysian to convince/drag 14 cows to club at Eskimo. After the 4,562,902,705,874th attempt, I finally give up.

In life, there are 3 different types of people you'll meet:

  • Those who are up to it.
    Ask them out for a drink and they'll say "see you in 5", ask them to skydive with you and they'll say "Im'a flash my boobs while on air!", ask them to club and they'll say "Chivas on me!"
  • Those who would follow the crowd.
    Ask them out for a drink and they'll ask "who else is going?", ask them to skydive with you and they'll ask "who else is going?", ask them to club and they'll ask "who else is going?"
  • Those who would rather rot and die alone in the room playing some computer game than going anywhere.
    Ask them out for a drink and they'll say "dowan lah..!", ask them to skydive with you and they'll say "dowan lah..!", ask them to club and they'll say "dow.."

    Oh, Wan Yean smack them right in their face with his helmet before they could finish their sentences, drag them back to their respective rooms, perform a funeral service for each of them; smash their LCD computer monitors thru their heads, God bless their soul, now stay there and stare into your computer screens for the rest of your lives!

You don't have to ask to know which type are the majority among my clique.

Somebody save me. I'm waiting for my princess in shining metallic Honda Civic to come rescue me from boreland. Preferably English speaking. Wouldn't mind if you're driving a solid color Proton too. Just... appear!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Local Hip Hop Scene

We see them everywhere. On the streets, schools, shopping malls, fish markets, mamak stalls, they're everywhere. And we witness their traces everywhere too. Fancy scribblings on toilet doors, public phone booths, school walls, hell anything at all can be their canvas of artwork. They think it's cool.

I think it's a disease. They are the disease.

Hip-hop wannabes.

There's even some really screwed up local kids that would even go to the extend by spraying rainbow coloured, badly spelled English words and call it graffiti. Hey wannabes. Why don't you guys buy black ICI Weathershield paint and paint your body black first before attempting to act like one with all those braids, fake basketball jerseys and unnatural slangs. And maybe you can call that kampung of yours your ghetto. Where coconut trees sprout out from nowhere and chickens can be seen running everywhere. Where you guys gain inspiration to write rhymes and out of a sudden you'll hear your mum scream;

"Atan!! Dah pukul brape dah ni! Mai tolong mak masak rendang lembu ni! Amboi-amboi... tiap hari pandai berangan aje. Har! Cepat!"

Let me just simulate what will happen next:

Atan: Fo shizzle mommah. I'll be there in just a sec, aight? Need to work this rhyme up, my niggahs' counting on me this, we gon' freestyle tonight against those Kampung Sungai Badak fake ass wankstas. Im'a show them what real hip hop is, mum. Kampung Sungai Biri-biri stlye for life!

(*SMASH*)

Mak: BERANGAN-ANGAN LAGI ANAK AKU NI! KU PELENTONG KEPALA PEROTAK HANG NI, CEPAT!! HANGIT NANTI RENDANG AKU!!

Atan: I'm sorry mommah... I never meant to hurt you... I never..

Mak: JAAA-HAAA-NAAAMMMM!!

(2 hours later after dinner)

Atan on the phone with his homie:

Atan: ...Sobs... Aye R.J... I.. I guess I gotta disappoint you niggas tonight.. I... I can't make it there.. Sobs...

Rajoo: Hey A.T. my homie! Tha mic-master, rhyme killah! What's wrong? You know we can't do without you, man!

Atan: I know, R.J. Style Maestro.. Sobs... It's just.. Just.. I'm grounded.. Sobs...

Rajoo: Hey... I feel ya, bro. I know how it feels to be grounded. The torment. The pain. I know it is always hard to make it in the streets when there are no streets in our kampung. I know man. Trust me. I guess this is our struggle that we gotta keep up with.. Your struggle is our struggle, homie.

Atan: Thanks...Sobs... I guess this is what they call it in songs "a nigga's pain', or "a black man's struggle"...

Rajoo: Yea, A.T. It's always a struggle. It's never easy for peeps like us, A.T.. What we can do best is write rhymes and rap about our pain. We rap for our freedom, Kampung Sungai Biri-biri's freedom!

Atan: Hell yeah, R.J.! KSBb for life!!
(Background: Atan!! Apa yang kau duk jerit-jerit tu kat fone tu haahh??!)


Rajoo: For life, homie... for life.

Atan: *Whispers* Aight... Holla back.. Let me know the outcome of the freestyle. You guys got all my support man. All my love.

Rajoo: Aight... Gotta put my turban... I mean my doo-rag on. Later, homie. Keep your head up.

Atan: Peace out. Wassalam.

Get a life, wannabes!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Clarification

Guys. Girls. Thanks alot for your concern. I'm feeling better than ever now. Hell yeah. Just one thing.. Don't make assumptions, quick conclusions, go about witch-hunting, speculate of the right person to fit in the situation, just don't. I don't want you guys to have any false impression on whoever that you might think of as the person that was mindbrewing my mind. And if you guys already started accusing, I have to say, you are burning the wrong witch! Haha. I appreciate all your pure and true concern. No doubt, you guys helped me out alot. Yet again, no names are mentioned, but you guys know it for yourself. God bless you guys.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Life Journal /21/ Started So Soon, Ended Even Sooner

A very personal post. And a very long one. It's okay if you don't understand it. Me neither. Life's like that. Spare me from all the burning questions you wanna ask. I don't know how to answer them all. If it is too long a read, take your time. I won't be posting any sooner now.

03:31
I did not sleep that night. I spent the whole time staring into the ceiling, hoping, praying, crying out to Whoever Might Be Out There to just bring her back. Just once more. I kept on wondering. It's not important to me what the outcome might have been. I just want to see her. Once more. That's all. Call me foolish. Yes, I admit that I am. Never had I did anything so demented. Out of love? Laugh out loud if you want to. I don't mind. Even I myself don't know for certain what am I doing.

I glanced at the phone once every 2 or 3 minutes. I looked as the clock ticked away. Every footsteps I heard outside the room brought a rush of excitement into my veins. Every sound of car door-locking alarm made me charge to the window. Please come back. Just this once more. Nothing more, nothing less I would ask for.

I pondered about love. What is love? Love makes us do crazy things, said Alex from the show Wicker Park. Pain and pleasure all rolled into one. Love is not selfish. Love is about giving. Love is about thinking and doing what is best for the other person, even though it may not be what you really want to do. Love can wound you, and heal you. Love brought Christ to the cross. Love brought Lisa and Matthew back together after two long years. Love made Landon change into a better person. Love brought Elizabeth back to life. Love changes me into a different, if not, a better person.

It's so unlikely that you'll turn up.

But I'm still waiting.

One last glance.

07:12
Car door alarms beeped, noises of high heels hitting the ground echoed outside my room. I already know that she won't turn up. But I still waited with full of hope.

False hope is fatal.

07:51
Get it out of your head, Wan Yean. Pick yourself up and get moving. Get out of this place. Where sweet dreams can turn into a nightmare in such a quick instance. And you know this is not the first time you're being mistreated like that. You've shoved it aside everytime it happened. Get out. Brush your teeth, bathe, pack and get going.

I still hoped for a miracle. But until that point when I've requested for a cab from the receptionist, and she told me the cab will be there in a minute, I know everything was too late then. The cab driver drove like a speed demon, I was in the bus station in no time. But the journey was the longest I ever had. From a fairy tale wonderland to the real world. Where people really bleed, and happily ever after is just a term in childrens' books.

08:07
3199. That's the number of my bus. Bought two pieces of chocolate bun and took it with milo. Milo.. Damn. I'm thinking too much. I barely had any appetite for any food. I'm hungry but I can barely taste anything inside my mouth. Its dry. I'm not exaggerating. I want food so much, but I just can't find any that is appealing to me. I want to taste something sweet. Even milo has lost its magic.. I hope I'm not anorexic.

1 hour and 20 minutes more to go. Newspaper should do the trick.. No. I finished flipping within 5 minutes. God. Please. I dont want to suffer this anymore. It's painful. I find myself still peering into the corners of the staircase. I know it will never happen, so please stop it! What the hell is wrong with me?

Just move on.

3199. Where are you. I've been seeking high and low for you. Take me away. My heart can't take it anymore.

I found myself the first to be in the bus once it was there, sitting at right at the back. I still looked to the entrance of the station. I can almost see myself sitting on the railing there waiting for her to come by, it was just yesterday. The excitement, the joy, and the passion I had. All down the huge drain next to it. Take me away. And stop looking. Why do I still hope so much? It is over.

Thank God the bus finally moved. The pain is undeniable. It is there. I took one last look at the station entrance. I don't wanna see that sight again for a very long time. I closed my eyes and refused to look. Sleep. It'll do me good. Sleep. At least try to.

Have you guys ever suffered insomnia? Where that one painful thing grips on to your brains like a spanner that is tightening itself harder and harder to your head by the moment? I've never lost sleep over emotional issues before. I was dead tired. But not a moment I could doze off into dreamland.

False hope leads to psychosis.

11:34
I can't sleep. So instead I resolved to typing again. Somehow it's good for me, I think. I can vent out my inner most feelings out, be heard but never to be understood. I can't help but to think about what she told me. Words she said. Texts she sent. Suddenly CLEO's recent publication about how to two time on guys appeared in my head out of nowhere.

I remember so everything so well. Everything we did together. Every conversation we had. Every place we went to. Every detail about her. Every meal we had. And everything that I don't want to know. I'm devastated.

Guys melt when girls say that they need them. Well, maybe not all of them, but at least I know I will. Somehow it feels good to know that she needs me. A sobbing call, and the words "I need you" uttered out from her mouth will make me travel the miles for her. I don't mind. She needs me. I promised I'll be there, and I will.

I thought of what am I to her, and what she claimed I am to her. But then again all the effort I placed in can be taken for granted so easily. There are so much more than just the painstaking long journey back that I had to go thru. Just a call from Mr. Yesterday and she'll forget completely everything about me. I am pissed. But still I can take that. But to the point where I am totally sidelined ("no, you are not sidelined, okay?" You know, I believed you.). Find my own way home, don't even care to ask, totally shutting me out (I hate the silence); just what am I to her?

"Trust me..." "I know what I'm doing."
I did. I've always trusted you. But until yesterday, I asked myself, is it just a saying? Trust you in what? Just exactly what do you need me to trust you in? That you still have me in your heart? And you can just go away, left me hanging, and not even a single concern about me?

"Believe in me?"
I believe. So, so much. And you said you did too. But it's more than just sayings. I waited for you to come back. I just wanna see you for one last time, that's really it. I'll be leaving soon, and I won't see you any sooner. I waited and enjoyed the torment.

"I love you..." "...more than anything"
And what about caring over how I feel. More than anything... Such strong words. It hurts. I dont wanna comment no more.

"You take 1 step to me, and I'll walk the 99 for you."
I used to shed tears of joy when I read this. But now I shed tears of pain.

I believed. I really do. I don't even ask for you to be with me. I believed that I am somebody to you, at least worth the effort of returning the favor to me that I was back for you. I came back just to spend worth remembering times with you. That's all I asked. Now I can't help but feel I'm just a nobody. Just a speck of dust in your eyes that can make you cry. An old blanket that you put on when you're cold. A spare tire that you never taken notice of until you need it. An option that you keep open to yourself, and I keep on waiting and waiting. For nothing. I'm less important. Maybe not important at all. It's a fact you have to think thru. Then tell me.

You meant the world to me.

I can never find anybody like you.

All the things that you do make it hard for me to forget.

My world is surrounded by memories of you.

Traces of you are everywhere.

I love you.

I can't help it. I just do.

Forget you.

How? I just can't.

I don't wanna embarass myself crying in the bus.

Johor.

I wanna be there now. My new start. I need that answer.

19:14
11km more to go. I'll be back at my destination. I still haven't got any answer.I don't wanna drag my sorrow all the way back from the north to the south. I'm gonna reach soon. I just want an answer. How do you want me to treat you. I pondered out from the window. Another sign board passed me by. 5km more to go. I guess I won't get my answer any time soon.

I know you're sorry. You don't know what to say. I don't care much now. I just want to know, am I still special to you. Like the way you said I was yesterday night before you took my hand and danced, and never came back. That's all I need to know.

As a future engineer, I will have to do what engineers do best- assume.
That I never came close to being the man in your life.
You symphatize me.
You actually want him badly.
I'll be forgotten real soon.
Engineers make good assumptions.

Live your life. Go on. I don't want to be the person that will make you feel that you lose out in life because of my presence. Take care, and remember don't play with knives. Unnecessary heartaches are never needed.

Love is never selfish.

Love is never jealous.

I just want you to be happy.

Remember the pact we made. The honesty we promised each other. I look forward to it. (I'm being too directly honest when writing this, no sugar coating.. Sorry its just me.)

Give me time to heal.. Would love to hear from you soon. Give me a call anytime. I'll always be there. A promise that will never change.

I've always loved you, true from the heart.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Coldplay - The Scientist

Fell in love with this song when watching Wicker Park recently. Used to think that it's a boring song. God it almost brought me to tears when the song played at the end of the movie.

No, the show is not a R-rated soft porn material. Don't be fooled by the posters and DVD covers, and even the trailer. And I forgot to mention that it got bad criticism from movie critics. Screw the reviews, I love the show.


Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy, Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

A Drink For Hokkien Folks

Question: What is the nicest drink to drink for Hokkien folks, and even for everyone else?

Wanna know?

Answer: Superholim.

Translated: Super nice to drink.

There's a thin fine line between being creative and being silly. What do you categorise Superholim as?

Weird Day Tim Burton Style

No class this morning. Great. That means I can sleep til as late as 2p.m. (my next class starts then). But due to my kindness, I got myself up early to a slight headache... to accompany my sister to the caterer's shop to discuss stuff about the wedding. What a good brother I am. So when we're there we found out that caterer's shop is actually also a food outlet, so my sister and I decided to take our lunch there, to try out the food. And it tasted like my faculty food. Nevermind. I just wanna get back to my room and sleep.

It was almost 12 when I got back, which was good. I took my meal already, and there's plenty of time to sleep before I have to attend my next class. Man, something was really wrong with the weather that time. It was terribly dark, but come to think of it again, it was good cuz I can sleep easier.

But as I entered my room, to my surprise, my mum was there. Boy I was dumbfounded! Mummy smiled as I asked her when did she came over. Mummy could see that I was sleepy and tired, so she asked me to take a nap first. Still in a shock, I looked around to see whether was papa around too. And that was when I turned and saw her lying down on my bed... With another guy whom I did not know. He looked at me and smiled. She stared at me, I stared back at her, and she looked away. Speechless. I'm flabbergasted. Who the heck is that guy? Both of them on my bed. Complete with their personal pillows and their own seperate blankets. I stood there stunned for a while. My brain stopped working. I watched them. I turned and look at mummy. She said that she prepared the couch for me to sleep on and rest. I was even more confused then. I'm reduced to sleeping on the bench and not on my own bed.

I took my toiletries and walked out to the toilet to wash my face. What the heck.. I saw her friend in there having a serious talk with her boyfriend. Among all the places in the world, the toilet? She looked at me and smile, and continued with her serious talk. I smiled back, just did what I wanted to and walked back to my room.

Before I entered my room, I stared through the window and I could see the both of them, still on my bed, and about to sleep too. What? Urggh. I observed that she was not that comfortable. I don't know why, maybe.. I don't know. Uncomfortable but she still stayed by the other guy's side. And that guy.. He was smiling away like he was the luckiest guy in the world. Or smiling because he's with her now, trying to tell me that I'm a nobody. I can't bear the sight, I don't know what the hell was happening. It was horrifying. It was frightful. It's totally atrocious. Its just.. unaccpetable. What was I supposed to do? What the hell was happening? I can't figure a thing out. *blank*

I opened my eyes and realised that I was on my bed. I was still dead tired. I was so tempted to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I took a peek at my handphone, and it was already 2.03 p.m.. I came to my senses. Thank God it was only a dream. A dream that scared me out of my bed. God... Never had such a bad hangover.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Plog: Welding Lesson

I learned how to weld today. And it was a painful lesson. I'm having arc burn now (similiar to sun burn, man that thing produces UV and IR rays!) and my thumb is swollen. Not in the mood to write much. Let the pictures and captions speak itself. (Note: Captions are above the pictures)

What is welding, you asked? Something like this. Gloves, Eye shield, apron, hot metal, 120 Ampere.

The welding machine. Huge huh. No joke.

No la. Just joking. This is the welding machine. Powered by Intel Core Duo.

After spending 7 hours in the workshop, finally I managed to complete the project work. Yes, it was real tough, no joke.

Product no. 1. Don't laugh ah, this is considered good already! Very good indeed! What, you think its so easy to weld? The technician took 1 and 1/2 years to learn this!

Product no. 2: Two metals joined together thru what else, welding lah!

Product no. 3: The pain. I can feel the blister is growing bigger by the seconds.

The cause. Lousy protective glove with a rat hole. Imagine 1200 degrees Celcius metal. Imagine the burning pain. Imagine the loud scream. No la, I didn't scream. I cried. No la, I didn't cry. I fainted.

By the way, plog stands for photo log.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Incomplete

Once upon a time, in a land far far away (called the United States of America), there was a boy by the name of Jimmy who was terribly in love with a girl named Jamie, and it was mutual. Everything seemed wonderful and beautiful; birds would sing for them, flowers would bloom for them, rainbows would appear at every moment they look up to the sky. But nothing was ever said between them, for none of them dare express their hearts out, for they are of two different worlds, and love is one word that they would never dare mention in front of each other.

And came that one day, when the US was trying to set the score right over in Vietnam and they were short of pawns. So Jimmy was called up to the forces and he would have to leave right away. The pain of seperation was lurking in both of them, agonizing, but yet not a single word was poured out. He remembered well the moments spent with Jamie, and every single moment was precious to him.

"I will bring myself home and see her again. Yes I will.."

Sorry I can't bring myself to complete this post.
Too confused myself.
Don't know how to pen everything down.
And I don't know what will happen in the end.
I'll just leave the ending to your imaginative minds.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Ham Sap Lou & Ham Sap Phor

Girls, try this out as an experiment. Go to any red blooded male good looking enough for your looking eyes, perfect strangers preferably, and ask them this crazy question:

"Hey there... I must say you look kinda cute... Would you wanna like, follow me back to my place for a moment, cuz, I think my zipper's stuck and I think you can maybe try to rip it apart for me? I'll help check your zippers too..."

Any red blooded male (adults, of course) would blindly follow you to where ever you would want to take them to, I can guarantee you that. What would have crossed their minds?

"Heck, why not? There aren't much female muggers anyway. She's asking for it, you know, I didn't do anything wrong, she hit on me first! Gawd.. Look at those racks! I hope she stays nearby... I can't wait! Damn am I good looking or what?!"

Now, guys, try that out on girls that look hot enough on your eyes. What would you get in return? Unless you have your four leave clover well kept and pressed between the condoms that you might have in your pocket, and your horoscope reading that day shows that you'll strike lottery, well most likely you'll get a slap, maybe a kick on your genitals (Girl says: That'll do the trick! Your zipper should be working now!), have your photo taken using her camera phone and MMS your photo to all her girly friends, warning them of a crazy lunatic on the loose. And, if she blogs, you're so funeral-ed and buried.

Conclusion? Gender equality is
bullcrap.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Goodbye 4-35


Goodbye 4-35
It's been for almost a year in you I reside
Of all the good times
And the bad times
Not forgetting those blackout times
And those wake-up-in-the-morning-HARRR??-NO-WATER??! times
Those DotA times
Those cannot-wake-up-for-class times
Those birthday celebrations times;
I have to say
It's time for me to move on
And move out
Though my heart is heavy
Reluctant;
But I have to
This is fate.
I'm moving on, leaving you behind
But forever on my mind
My beloved 4-35.

FINALLY! I'm free from that tiny four wall prison cell! WOOHOOHOO!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Don't Come Near Me.. I'll Bite!

I'm having a terribly bad day. Although its the last day of my exams, and its finally over, AND I said before (to my friends) that it's totally fine if I screw up, cuz I know that I already gave in my best to it, AND I actually did find the last paper quite easy and managable, but here I am again to bring to you guys another episode of my misery and frustration.

You see, its OKAY if you cannot answer the question when you know that you've studied your ass off and did your best,
and its totally OKAY if you don't study that much, can't answer the question and you know that you're the only one to blame for being lazy,
and its totally OKAY if you can't get an A for the particular subject after knowing that you did your part (be it you studied real hard and it's still out of reach, or you fooled around and its just impossible to get the grades you want, and just accept the fact).

But it's really NOT OKAY if you studied, prepared way before hand, enter the exam hall with confidence and a lil bit of anxiety, managed to answer all the questions, still have enough time to laze around and make funny noises, look thru your answers and recount everything, sing a song or two to celebrate it (OH! Im'a touch the sky, come up to the spot lookin' extra fly!), HAVING HOPE THAT YOU"LL BE ABLE TO GET AN "A" FOR THE SUBJECT, and in the final few minutes, panicked a lil, thought that you did a mistake, cancel the whole shit off and redo, and still, at the final minute, spotted another mistake, managed to only alter a lil bit of your answer and too late... the lecturer took your paper away. Hell when you know that you can answer it and you've even calculated the RIGHT answer out on your calculator, but by that time, you can't pen it down; instead just reluctantly hand it up to the lecturer and see your marks bid their goodbye to you. That sucks.

No, thats not the climax of the story. The worse part is, and it's really VERY NOT OKAY when you come out of the exam hall, to find your group of friends talking about the questions and LAUGHING AT HOW EASY IT WAS, and to find out that the previous answer before you 'cancel the whole shit off and redo' was indeed CORRECT and you .. silly dork redo it with a wrong answer on. You can literally see before you the alphabet "A" waving its hands saying sayonara to you. It's OKAY if you do not expect so much out of a paper, but it's TOTALLY NOT OKAY when you have placed so much hope on it in the first place.

Damn I wanna kill every single insects that I come across now.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Love equals commitment,
Commitment equals sacrifice.
I'll give the world up for you;
For you I will.

Blogging Hype

(While viewing statcounter.com)

Ben: Whoa, I've got 199 visitors today!

Wan Yean: Whoa, that's alot!

Ben: Can you do me a favour?

Wan Yean: Wah, why ask til so formal?

Ben: Can you view my blog now, pleeeeeeeeaasee?? (eyes sparkled with stardust)

Wan Yean: I'll view it later alrite?

Ben: NO! NOW! PLEEEAASSE!! (tears start rolling down)

Wan Yean: Huh? Can I..

Ben: NO! NOW!!

Wan Yean: Okay, okay! Fine! (views his blog) (He forced me to link this even at this very moment)

Ben: YESS!! (even the mucus if flowing out of his nose now) FINALLY, 200
VIEWERS! I LOVE YOU WAN YEAN!!

Wan Yean: ?!!

Moral of the story: Some people need recognition, others need help.

p/s: Sorry Ben, I can't cover your back this time. Just have to tell the truth. Plus I've nothing to blog about. Hehe.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Bad English

Right outside of TCA there is a notice board. And on the notice board the Committe Members of my hostel folks (KTR) were kind enough to send us KTRians well wishes for our coming examinations.

Good luck for my final? Final what? Destination? CHOI!!

Nice folks. But bad English.

Ben: ktrians? Who IS ktrians?
Wan Yean: Erm, sounds like an English name to me. Kreetrians, maybe?
Ben: Whoa, cool! Imagine, Kreetrian Tan!
Wan Yean: No, its Kreetrians Tan! You missed out the "s"!
Ben: I think I wanna modify my name to Benjamins Sew.
Wan Yean: ...

Hannah Tan In My Room!

Oh those pretty eyes...

(Actual conversation that took place yesterday night!)
Hannah: Hey there young, hot thing... I know you've waited for MONTHS now for me to visit you rite.. *chuckles*
Wan Yean: You have no idea lady.. But I've gotta say, all those months of waiting sure do pay off. *smile widely*
Hannah Tan: *giggles* OOHH.. Now that I'm here, whatcha gonna do about that, huh?
Wan Yean: Oh, I've been staring at you for too long, are we gonna proceed on or what..? Bet you'd wanna know what I'm capable of..
Hannah Tan: Ooh. Must I ask, can I get a piece of you? *blushes* Hey, what are you staring at, huh, pretty boy? Wanna get a piece of me too?

It's funny how a man only thinks about the *beep*
You've got a real big heart but I'm looking at your *beep*

Wan Yean: Ooh. You're one nasty girl, you know that? By the way, aren't you tired standing in that position for like, almost 10 minutes already? Would you wanna sit down, lie down maybe?
Hannah Tan: Wake up, boy.
Wan Yean: Huh?
Hannah Tan: You're having Materials Science exam tommorow, you should be studying..
Wan Yean: What about discovering each other and all that, won't you want to know more about me, sexy?
Hannah Tan: (in a harsh voice) OI..
*
*
*
*
Hanna... : OI... (pokes my fats)
Wan Yean: Ooh, that's nice..
*
*
*
*
Ha... : OI!
Wan Yean: (opens eyes wide) ...!!!
Roommate: NO NEED TO STUDY AH?! STILL SLEEP AND DREAM?
Wan Yean: Hannah? You still there? %$&*#&%^&*%!!! Me and Hannah Tan was about to get it on!
Roommate: Siao..

Ooh boy you lookin' like you like what you see..

*Faint echo*
Hannah Tan: You can look at it, as long as you dont grab it.. *chuckles* I'll see you again, boy.. This whole month, I'm yours..
Wan Yean: Oh girl you so teasing me..


I present you, Hannah Tan; FHM's Calendar Girl for the month of May. In my room!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Well, Since Everybody Has Got This Thing..

Desmond tagged me. I don't quite understand what it meant, I guess its like I'm
obligated to post this i guess. Well here goes.

Mark your confessions:

[ ] I'm afraid of the quiet.
[x] I am really ticklish. (Sometimes I can't feel a thing.. Mind over matter!)
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark.
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night
[ ] I am homosexual. (And you're a donkey.)
[x] I believe in true love. (Yes I do.)
[ ] I've ran away from home.
[ ] I listen to political music. (Black rap music considered?)
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I shut others out when I'm sad. (You can hardly tell when I'm sad)
[x] I stayed out all night.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world. (I think.)
[x] I watch the news.
[x] I own over 5 rap CDs. (Fo' shizzle)
[ ] I love Disney movies. (Used to when I was young?)
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes. (Find me an Asian with green eyes first.)
[ ] I d0n't kill bugs. (Houseflies, mosquitoes, cockroaches, I show ye no mercy!)
[x] I curse once in a while.
[ ] I have (had) "x"s in my screen name. (NO WAY, not even a "z" on my back!)
[x] I've slipped and fell in public. ( I think I did.)
[ ] ive slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation. (So pronounce it "l" "o" "l" or lol?)
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well. (Never tried. Will try them soon, Celestine.)
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class. (I dont have pyjamas)
[x] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[x] Talked on a phone for 5+hours (And almost fell asleep halfway thru.)
[ ] I love Dr. Phil. (Yea, Desmond. Siapa tu?)
[x] I like someone. (What's the big deal?)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh. (The best medicine.)
[x] I have tried alcohol. (I like it.)
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
[x] I have tried a cigarette. (Suhaimi and Shreeram. Haha)
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies. (Very wicked and sick. Eew.)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (Coughing, but not sick.)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a few scars. (Quite a number actually.)
[x] I've been out of this country. (Singapura is so near.)
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I love chocolate. (Aprodisiac!)
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me. (I don't have split personalities.)
[x] I play computer games when I'm bored. (All the time, though I'm already bored of the game)
[x] Gotten lost in the city. (Thank God for handphones.)
[ ] Thought of suicide before. (Life is too precious.)
[x] Seen a shooting star. (Kerachut = Meteor Garden)
[x] Had a serious surgery. (I had 2. Appendicitis considered serious?)
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas. (How many times must I tell you I don't have any!)
[ ] Have kissed a stranger.
[ ] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex. (No fighting.)
[ ] Been in a fist fight. (No fighting.)
[ ] Been arrested. (No fighting.)
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose. (Embarassing & disgusting.)
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (Heh heh heh...)
[x] Made out in an elevator. (Erm.. Don't ask.)
[ ] Swore at your parents.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[x] Been bungee jumping. (It was so syok! No la just kidding. Never tried.)
[x] Gotten stiches. (After surgery?)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox. (Was too young to remember anything, but it did happen.)
[x] Crashed into a car. (On the Penang bridge! But ain't me driving.)
[ ] Been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[x] Shoplifted. (Scouting days. Would do anything to save budget.)
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. (Kiddy love.)
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. (Lim Guan Hoe?)
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker. (Wah! Extreme!)
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone/something dying. (Try visiting the fish market.)
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day. (I'd do anything to get back to Penang.)
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane. (AirAsia... Now everyone can fly!)
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (Hami lai?)
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten sushi. (???!)
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing.
[ ] Been ice skating.
[x] Cried in public. (Very shameful ah, haar??)
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed. (Hey that's something new!)
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have. (It's so wrong but feels so right.. But its alright now.)
[x] Thought of someone almost 24/7. (Always on my mind.)
[ ] Hate the world.

More Than Words

I'm such a sucker with words.

Talk about Man Utd and I'll laugh with you or at you about their defeat to Chelsea. Talk about DotA and I'll enter into a serious forum-like argument with you whether should or should not Drow Ranger buy Eye Of Skadi. Talk about handphones and I'll go on and on about Sony Ericsson's w900i. Talk about sex and I'll educate you. Talk about the weather and I'll tell you the best day to dry your clothes. Talk cock with me and I'll cock back with you.

But when the time comes, at moments when I really need the right words to come out of my mouth and speak sense, I'll always find myself tongue-tied. When I want to tell you about how sorry I am for behaving in such a silly manner, I'll find myself totally incoherent. Or when I just wanna express myself out about how I truly feel inside, my voicebox will malfunction. And when I really need to tell you that you mean the world to me, and there is nothing else much more important to me than you, I'll always find myself dumbfounded again.

I wish I'm the maestro with words, with the capability to speak in metaphors and make you a wonderland with just words. But somehow to me there is more to conversations now than just a pleasant play of words in your ears. For every sentences and each spoken words that I utter are topped with honesty, and in its simplicity I find it most appealing. I truly mean every word I say, and I say what I truly mean.

I am no longer a sweet talker that I used to be. My words are no longer shallow and empty, carbon copied from songs or movies. It's from the heart, for I think that is the sweetest way to talk when it's true from the inside.

p/s: Let's not allow some trivial stranger destroy what we've build, for I believe there's much more to us than this.

p/s 2: It's okay if you don't understand this post, it's unedited, written from scratch and from the heart.