Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas Joy

I'm coughing.
I'm having a slight fever.
Classes are starting tomorrow.
My room's in a mess.
I hurt my sexy back.
I'm back in UTM.

Amidst all the tragedies and despite the circumstances, I ain't gonna let them hold me down from celebrating. It's Christmas ya'll! Nothing beats the festive joy it brings!

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 22, 2006

What I Really Want This Christmas

Some celebrate it with their families.
Some will spend the whole night partying til they're all goners.
Some will shop til they drop.
And to some, it doesn't even matter at all.


Christmas is here again.
And what does Christmas actually mean to you?


When I was a kid, Christmas is like Children's Day to me:
Nice cartoons, magic shows and concerts on the telly, get some presents once in a while, Santa Clauses everywhere in shopping malls giving out candies and well, it's just a greater day compared to other days of the holiday.


When I stepped into a church back in 1997, I learned a lil more about Christmas. It's about the birth of Christ. That explains the Christ in the word Christmas. And since then I've celebrated Christmas in church, with a bunch of great people from all ages and backgrounds.

But for me that got a lil mundane after some time. Year in and out it's about singing carols, church services with almost similar sermon, drama or choir presentation, sorting out who are "worthy" to receive presents from me, squeezing the cents out from my pocket to buy things for the "worthy" ones, and eagerly looking forward to receive what I'd get in return.

So then came one year I got a lil adventurous and decided that I'm gonna go out there and party with my friends during Christmas. And yes, I did had loads of fun. Mini stage concert and performances, pretty girls all over and friends everywhere made that Christmas special. For this young kid back then that Christmas was awesome.

But long after I felt that there's something amiss in all of the celebrations I had, be it in a church or out in the streets. Beneath all the hollow laughter and night jollying there was a missing ingredient.

Love.

That was missing from all of my Christmases.

Christmas is significant to me in the sense of my spiritual life.
I was baptized on Christmas day.
I was born again on the day that Christ was born.
Because of love, Christ came into the world.
Because of love, I followed after Him.
Because of love, the gift of life was freely given for mankind.
And because of love, there is Christmas for the world to celebrate no matter how they're celebrating it.


Christmas is all about love.
The love that God has for the world.
The love that you share with your friends.
The love that binds your family together.
The love that you see in your partner's eyes.

All these while I spent Christmas without love.
Instead, fun was the substitute to it. But fun will be over when the party is over.
Love will linger and nurture on into something much more than just the good feelings you have inside.


It's not what you do during Christmas that matters most, it's who you're doing it with that counts.

So how are you going to spend your Christmas this year? Or should I ask who are you spending it with?
For me perhaps, I want to spend my time with my loved ones. Even though I'm not close to home during this festive season, I'm making every effort to tell all of my loved ones that are far away that you are not forgotten.


To my beloved papa & mama, my smart & classy sister, all of you great friends out there, church peeps from Penang & Johor, and you too Jessica Alba; have a merry and meaningful Christmas.

I love you guys.

And I love you too, whoever you are that's reading this entry til the very end of it. Thanks for the traffic :D

I hope I don't sound too gay.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'm A Future Engineer

It's not easy being an engineer. First of all, you've gotta go thru 4 years of unreasonably boring classes in order to earn a degree.

And after graduating and earning the title as an engineer to yourself, you are expected to be fully equipped with the latest knowledge on whatever field that you're related to. Be it you're working in a turbine generator, constructing a bridge or even managing technical support in an IT firm, thousands of lives and million of dollars are on your shoulders of responsibility.

Every single decision you make is critical. That is the reason why engineers must be always aware of his surroundings, calculate every possibilities that might happen as the consequence of his actions and on top of all that, keeping in mind the safety many and working within the budget. Striking a balance between the two is important. With all that in mind, future engineers are taught to think and act that way.


What was running across my head when I was in Genting:

I see rust on those chains!

Is this gonna derail? The Corkscrew is supported by just this tiny wheel?

This cable that is gonna support our weight when we're up in the air... Is THAT thin? What is the Safety Factor?

What kinda wiring is this? I don't wanna die electrocuted!

Can't blame me, I'm gonna be an engineer!

But after thinking about the cost I paid to get in there, all fear of death is gone. Nah, screw it, I ain't gonna waste my trip just like that, I'm gonna have fun, and I did!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

They Had A Thousand Things To Say

(Aiyo! Ang moh!) (Chuckles)
Fine weather it is, ma'am. May I buy you a drink, miss..? Oh, my pleasure to meet you, Miss Ong. What is this lovely lady doing here at the bar all alone and without a drink? I presume that other men would have been swarming around you like bees around honeybuds dying to get you a drink and maybe a lift home.

(What ang moh? He look like an Ah Beng la. Hahaha)
KANniNEH
lu! What Ah Beng Ah Beng har? My mother got give me name wan you know! Not like your mother ah, excrete you out from her backside liao throw you aside straight go to toilet and shit. That's why she name you Ah Sai is it? Or Chau Sai?


(I like your look now. Very Hongkie.)
Ei? Hai ah? Tor cheh worr. Yan dei kong ngo chi Zeh Teng Fung worr. Tan hai ngo kok tak ngo chi Ku Thin Lok tor ti. Leng wai ngo kou ti ti ma. Siew zor hai mm kau khui hak zeh. Ngo yau leng zai ti worr.
Translation: Is it? Thank you. People say that I look like Nicholas Tze. But I think I look more like Louis Koo. Because I'm taller you see. Just that I ain't as dark as he is. I'm better looking anyway.

(You look like Japanese with that shirt on.)
Konbanwa! Bagaiero! Arei-arei... Zanpakutou, bankai! Getsuga Tenshou! Kimochi... Kawaii ness!

Translation: Good evening! Idiot! Well well... Soul Slayer, full release! Moonlight Fang! That feels so good... Cuteness!
(Sorry, I don't speak Japanese and I only can manage a few lines from what I watch... erm, not porn, of course.)


They told me their opinions already. What do ya think? Ang moh? Japanese? Hongkie? Or Ah Beng? Oh, I dyed my hair and cut it short, if you're still in a blur.

Look at the hair, not the sleepy face.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Poppin' My Cherry! The Finale: Sweet Goodbye

Ever wondered how on earth SEVEN grown ups (hey, we've past 21 already, so yeah..) are gonna fit into ONE tiny First World Hotel twin bed room? On top of that, we have a fat grown up among us... NO NAMES MENTIONED.

Ben: Okay, now let's apply what we've learned and think like an engineer.
Wan Yean: Erm, entropies? Nope. Second moment of area? Nope, not that too. Rankine half body? Epicyclic gears? Ben, we're engineering students, not some logistic management student!
Ben: That's the thing you see, if we're studying logistics, we'd have to book 3 more rooms for each of us. But as engineers, we think of how to minimize the cost and maximize the space.
Wan Yean: You wanna formulate something out from the area of this room and calculate dy/dx=0 to get the maximum value of x?
Ben: Now I know this would come in handy somewhere along this trip.. (Pulls out scientific calculator and math book)

So how did we managed to sleep? This is how it looked like:

Calling it twin sharing is a lie. It can accomodate much more for sure. Proven by UTM undergrads.

And half way thru the night, we witnessed a strange new phenomenon. Ever heard of snappo clubbinglitis? This is a new "disorder" that occurs in sleep by somebody who danced and listened to loud music for too long that he starts snapping his fingers in his sleep.

Another discovery made by UTM undergrads.

How to stop him?

Snap...

Wiggle wiggle...


Snap...


Snap...

Wiggly wiggle...

Snap...

SLAP!!!

Peaceful.

And hence cometh another new day. After packing up and having lunch at Burger King (Every Penangites favourite outlet cuz there's no BK in Penang. Yay!) Normie, Fei Zai, Ck and Ben went seperate ways with me and Kim. We're both going back to Penang and the bus is at 2.15, so we've still got some time to kill.

Sleepy faces; last group pic on the hill

We both decided to visit the Ripley's Believe It Or Not gallery and camwhored with all the cool stuff in there. I even tried to dig out the Canadian coin from the gold coin covered Mini but I failed. Dammit that coin is pure gold, I'd be rich if I could just... Nevermind. There were lotsa interesting things inside to see, so go visit that place when you're there. QUITE worth the money.

That's for not wearing a bra.

Oh yeah, we almost had to extend our stay to one more night because our bus ticket departure date was wrongly written to be on the 8th. I wouldn't mind staying another day. Heheh. But after checking with the cleck over at the ticketing counter, she confirmed that it was their error for writing the wrong date. Dammit...

I snapped and stabbed the clerk

So that ends it, my first ever Genting holiday experience with my UTM buds. Fun fun fun! Wan Yean came down from the mountain a real MAN now after conquering the highland and escaping death time after time, and he ain't a Genting virgin no more! ROAR!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Poppin' My Cherry! Part 2: The Night Was Young

Everybody got dressed up nicely for this. Kim even wore long sleeve shirt, looking like either a pro gambler or an under age kid trying real hard to get in there.

I wasn't so hyped about the whole gambling thing, well I just decided to tag along and maybe get to see some eye opening interesting things to see.

Along: Now, how much do you owe me?
Gambler: Te... Ten thhoousannd ringgit.. taikor...
Along: And where is my money now?
(Pulls out a gun)
Gambler: Please! Spare me!
Along: How about trading your life with your ten fingers? HUH?!
Gambler: No don't please! I promise to..
(Gunshot)
Narrator: This could happen to you. Gamble wisely. Think of your loved ones, and your fingers. This is another community outreach message by Kementerian Kewangan Malaysia.

Nah, nothing like that happened. As expected, when we approached the entrance, the security guard requested for our identification. Not a problem there, I'm a freaking 21 year old adult already. Heheh.

Upon stepping into the casino, we're greeted by an uncle who was talking on the phone loud and clear enough for all of us to hear:

"Look, listen to me I'm seriously telling this to you now. I don't even have money to make this phone call to you now..."

Welcome to the casino.

We went for the cheapest table of all, the RM5 minimum bet table and everybody chipped in to play. I was just experimenting with the game, and decided to change just RM10 chips first for starters. Ben on the other hand dropped in RM40.

And boy, we looked so "jungle" thanks to Mr Ben's over the clouds hyper reaction:

Situation 1: Ben placed one chip over at "BIG"
Croupier: Results; 2,3,3. Small.
Ben: SHIITTT! OOORRRRHHH!! MY MONEY!!! (Bangs table)
Us: Sorry he forgot his medication.

Situation 2: Ben placed 2 chips over at "BIG" again
Croupier: Results,; 4,6,6. Big.
Ben: YESSSS!! I'M FREAKING RICHH!! (Punches air)
Us: Now where is that can of Coke with diluted Panadols?

In the end, Ben lost all his money (he almost overturned the table if not for the sedative Coke). But for the rest of us, lady luck was on our side. I personally won RM25 out of that RM10 that I chipped in. Heheh. Thank you Uncle Lim.

That place looked boring after a while. No background music playing, just lotsa ahpeks and aunties throwing their bank savings onto the table, lotsa security cameras over our heads and lotsa money that we can never win.

Well we headed out and straight into Safari, the only club in Genting. It was packed with lotsa party people, MMCs (Mui Mui Chais) and wannabe Ah Bengs. Still it was great to be there the first time ever with my UTM buddies.

That's almost all for the night, and on our way back I can see disappointment on some of their faces who thought that they can get laid there and then. Haha, better luck next time guys!

To be continued...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Poppin' My Cherry! Part 1: Outdoor Rides

Was so freakin' excited when I was in the bus. I'm gonna cum! Ooh.. Well the journey was freaking bumpy and long (6 hours!) but I was patient and cool and calm. I am so going to Genting! Holla!!

Poserism: What boredom due to long bus rides can do to you

Halfway thru the journey the bus stopped at this place in the middle of nowhere for food, and I stumbled upon this:

Tan Choi Man

If you do not understand, it's totally fine. It's related to the pride of my family.

Fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep again and when I opened my eyes, behold; there it stood before me: the mountain of entertainment, joy and multiple orgasms. . .


I'M FINALLY HERE! WWOOOOOAARRGHHHH!!


Ready to lose my virginity

After checking into our room, we wasted no time and straight proceeded to the outdoor theme park. Some idiot tried to put me down saying that the fog was too thick and we might not be able to play.

Oh no. It's not gonna happen today. It's my day, dammit! I'm so gonna pop it!


I dunno who is that guy. So hyper like some kampung kid first time go Genting. *Shakes head*

Going in order:
Orgasm #1: The big spinning thing (forgot the name)
Orgasm #2: Cyclone

Orgasm #3: Space Shot (GILA BABI WHO THE HELL INVENTED THIS CRAZY THING?!)

Took a break: Water bumper car

Orgasm #4: Flying coaster (I can't stand to fly...)


Face green green

Everyone was hungry by then, so we decided to go for dinner. We somehow managed to sneak into the staff canteen and we took cheap good food (RM5). People say that we had to dress cincai to get in.

Prohibited area: highly exclusive

And were we done for the day? Hell no! More outdoor rides!

Breath taking view, breath taking experience

Orgasm #4: Corkscrew (3 rounds babe!)
Orgasm #5: Space Shot again! (GILA BABI MONYET UNTA TAPIR RAMA-RAMA!)

Orgasm #6: Cyclone (Aiyah, everything else turns to be boring after Space Shot)
No kick: Ghost train (two rounds, cuz Ben wanna take this picture)

Light bulb

After getting 6 orgasms and came twice boarding Space Shot, I was satisfied. Puas. Syok habis. This is so the best. Haha. Well my first ever Genting experience was truly one helluva great one!

Cherry popped. Wan Yean is a happy MAN

And before we departed, we went for Motion Master. No kick la... Almost fell asleep thru the show. Waste of money. Well, off to Uncle Lim's den next! To be continued...

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Visit Penang 2006

I had the most meaningful week with my peeps from UTM this week. And heck no, I can't pen it all down in just 1 entry, so I'm breaking it up into parts; well at least you guys get to read something new everyday (hopefully) right?

The peeps: Kim, Ben, Ck, Fei Zai & Normie

Seremban, Rootless Sesat, Kampar, Melaka & Selangor

To kick things off, the gang landed over in Kampar (Ck's hometown) and spent a day there before coming over to Penang. And oh boy, I was really excited to show them around!

Initial plan:
1. Drive 2 cars to Penang
2. Eat, eat, eat and eat
3. Drive to Kampar the next day
4. Play and spend the night there
5. Off to pop my Genting cherry

You know, in engineering, there's this thing we call an ideal situation and a real situation.
Ideal

Real

So what happened really? Kim's Civic broke down. Apparently he was applying what he learnt in Material Science and did heat treatment to his engine gasket.

When the radiator over heated, he poured in cold water, thus thermal quenching occured and the gasket just gave away. And he did that THREE times before he reached Penang. Final state of the gasket? Tempered martensite. Plus a hole in the pocket.


My dad's trusty mechanic had a look over it, shook his head and said to Kim:

"Buy a new car la"

Yup. It was THAT bad. Total cost of repair? RM600. What a great introduction to Penang for my peeps, especially to Kim. I still feel sorry for him whenever I think of that amount. Maybe some Char koay teow can help him sooth the ailing.
I wanda where he get that kinda marnee.. Don' woerr bout it. Let's go!

So an emergency plan was executed:
1. Spend 2 nights in Penang
2. Up to Genting by bus
3. No Kampar tour (Ck was disappointed)

And seems like all the conversations after the incident sounds almost similar:

Kim: How much is a bowl of ais kacang?
Ck: Aiyah, don't worry la, surely less than 600.
FeiZai: The amount is negligible relatively.
Ben: RM602.00.
Normie: Eat! Already pay 600, don't hold back!
WanYean: I think I need not mention anything more to add salt to your already salty wound.

It is RM2.00 if you're still in doubt, Kim.

Kim was quite cool about the amount, full respect for him. To sum it up, we went to a couple of places and did some quick pit-stop at some locations (they find it boring).

Due to space constraint (too many things to write!), I'm summing up everything we did below:

Places visited:
Gurney Plaza
Gurney Drive
INFINITY Cyber Cafe
Kek Lok Si
Batu Ferringhi
Coastal Road (thanks to a very bad jam)

Places pit-stopped:
Queensbay Mall (we went in there for less than 5 minutes)
Crown Jewel Hotel's beach (love birds' spot)
Batu Ferringhi's Paris (flea market, I mean)
Sungai Nibong bus station
Mechanic's shop

Eateries attacked:
Penang Hill's Asia Cafe
Gurney Drive hawker center
Air Itam laksa stall
Ee Tong Semi-Restaurant (Zoo Road)
Pelita (mamak stall)
My house (breakfast by mum)

Stuff bought:
Tiny kite from Gurney Drive
Clothes from Gurney Plaza
Tambun biscuits
T-shirts from Kek Lok Si (some costs only RM3 each!)
New gasket (for Kim only)

I bought something from Kek Lok Si too, but I ain't telling you what that is. Figure it out yourself from the picture...


Things done:
EAT!
Sight seeing
Play Dota (Lost all the games to Penangites. Ego drained, Penangites owned!)
Fortune telling (Fei Zai and Ck)
Repair car (for Kim only)
Pee at public area (figure out who)

Overall, I had fun bringing them around, and I do hope they enjoyed themselves too. One thing I discovered about them guys:
They are the do-ers.

They like to do stuff. Walking around, looking at old buildings and green trees will bore them to sleep. Pretty tough to bring this kinda people around huh, but thank God and IceFrog for cyber cafes and Dota.


Up next, the GENTING ENTRY! WHOOOO I'M SO EXCITED THAT I'M TYPING ALL THIS WITH CAPSLOCK ON! SO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT AND TO SHOW!

Okay enough now, I sound so kampung.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Losing My Virginity

BOYS N GIRLS: I'll be away on a tiny vacation for these few days, maybe the whole week if another plan works out, so blog will not be updated for the time being.

Come back on Friday (8th Dec) to check for any updates (if you're a real addict to my blog), and if there is none, then come back again on the next Monday (11th Dec). Or you can just visit everyday to boost my traffic, read my previous posts and turn yourself into a fan (just pay a monthly fee of RM80.00 to upgrade your status to a fan!).

Well, for the curious pussycats out there, I'll be going to Kampar, Perak tomorrow and to Genting next.

And about the title post, don't get me wrong.

I meant this: I'm a Genting virgin.


Don't laugh.

Yeah.

Never been there.

Don't give me that look!

I'm going there already, alright? I'm losing my virginity on Tuesday, so stop laughing!

That's it. I shall not disclose anymore private secrets in my blog again.

Wish and pray for me, pray with me that my first time would be a hell of a hardcore ride and I'll scream in orgasm throughout the first time experience.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dinner Yesterday

I was disappointed.

"Why the hell Penang got so many cars wan? Small island nia one day it'll sink ah! Oik go back home la all you crazy fellas! Why all like to come out today wan? Kannineh!"

I screamed out of anger. Of course, silently within me.


I was driving my parents out yesterday night to Gurney Drive for dinner (CHAR KOAY TEOW! YAY!) after a shopping spree, but then the plan failed because of all those food crazy people there that flooded the place earlier before us.

Aih.

Typical scene in Penang during the school holidays. Gluttons from all around Malaysia (and some say Singapore) will flock over here for you know what. Char koay teow (primary target), asam laksa (secondary), ais kacang (what's after secondary, tertiary?), fried chicken skin (okay, this is getting tricky), and the list goes on.

And the amount of human beings roaming around- plus their cars; God Gurney looked like some street in Japan having an auto show! (minus the cool rides and sexy naughty kawaii race queens, of course.) I swear it was much easier to understand women than to find a parking spot there yesterday night.. And it aint even the weekends yet!

Imagine the Penang kia himself cannot get his hands on the long-craved after char koay teow. And the fried chicken skin. And pasembur. And those new arrival "clrear oredi D9 liao!" pirated DVDs.

And he ended up eating at some secluded coffee shop down the road. And the food there (it's only a coffee shop, I remind you) cost more than a meal at Pizza Hut. The 2lan-ness is maximized.

"Oi taukeh! I'm a Penangite, not a Singaporean tourist ok? I drive a Proton and I curse using Penang Hokkien ok? Slaughter also aim wrong target liao, kannineh!"

I screamed at the kopitiam boss. Silently in my heart.


So there goes my disappointment. Haven't tasted char koay teow yet since the day I'm back. I've been craving for it day and night! But dunno which is the best day to go Gurney Drive to eat it la, that place seems to be packed every night.


Never mind.


You might have escaped yesterday but you will not be that lucky again.

So here goes, this is for you:

Open letter to Char Koay Teow
Dear Gurney Drive Char Koay Teow,

Your days are counted.
I'm not stopping at any cost at all to get my way to you.
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
Digesting you soon.
Love,
Your biggest fan.

Yum...

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Slangs II: Penang Hokkien Rules!

Now that I'm back in Penang, I've gotta be switching mode again so that I won't sound silly when I talk to peeps here.

Wadde lo, before you accuse me of anything at all, no I'm not faking my conversations okay.. It's just a different way of communicating with different people lo. WOAHH..


Last Wednesday, when I was in Loft KL with the whole bunch of them uni students, the deejay (out of boredom, I suppose) mentioned a very famous word used in Penang. And I thought to myself what could it possibly be:

Is it jiak? (Eat)

Or leh ma? (Your mother)

Char koay teow maybe? (Fried koay teow, aiyah this word needs no translation)

Well, I don't really know, cuz you know, I'm from Penang Free School. Not because Free School kids don't swear, but heck, they swear too much that I don't know which one tops the popularity chart.

Eager to know what people from other states know about Penang, the deejay broke the silence (quite noisy la actually, house music = noise pollution) and said the magic word:

"KANniNEH.."

Yup, he said it right, correct intonation with the amplified KAN, toned down ni and a draggy NEH.

Then that dunggu fella went about KANniNEH-ing here and there and all over, thinking that he sounded cool or funny.

Well it was funny at first, but then when he went overboard, I almost wanted to unleash my Penang tongue to KAN that fella.

KANniNEH la, you're a deejay, not a trishaw ah-pek, shut your trap and play us some good music dork!

And you're not even a Penangite, so stop trying to sound like one!

And that was supposed to be the introduction to another edition of Wanster's Dictionary of Slangs, but come to think of it, if I'm to compile all the words people use here, this entry would really defile minds of the young.

Kids would be cursing and swearing all over, thinking that they sound real cool (actually, they do). What's next? People would blame Penang as the breeding ground of all bad words and be hated by the nation like how the U.S. hate Canada?

Nah, suddenly I got too imaginative. Watched too much South Park.

But then again, I am convinced that I need not put up a post about Penang slangs. You lan ciao kias out there know much more than me, I suppose.

Ahh. Feels good to be back home, with those familiar sounding swear words instead of those over-used tak cukup impacting diu or tiao. Penang Hokkien owns!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Why Do I Blog

Aahh, the good life. Exam free, touch-no-books for the next 1 month, zero stress life. What better thing to do than to lean back and blog.

Let's see, it's been quite some time since I last updated, and there's so many things (thousands!) that I wanna share with you guys out there, but heck no, I can't just possibly jump into that out of the blue.

So I guess the best way to get the ball rolling is for me to blog about this:
What happened to the blogging addict who would faithfully post up something everyday, that now he is barely checking his own stats and traffic?


I came across this blog which belongs to a friend of mine, where he actually explains why he blogs. I didn't bother to read, nah, I ain't into philosophies.

Then the thought suddenly came to my mind: Why do I blog then?

Nothing grand, actually.

I started blogging because I was bored back then.

Then I continued on because I was still bored.

And I blogged on because of readers and compliments.

But then again, it was because I was bored.

Then, it became a burden to blog.

It is such a pain in the ass when you have to think high and low about how/where you are gonna get Internet connection from.

But still, I persevered and blogged on.

Kudos, because I had nothing else better to do and I was bored.

Then it gets too burdensome to go online from wherever I was.

Then the moment came.

I got bored of blogging.

So I stopped.

But now that I am bored, I'm back to blogging again.

Grand welcome for Wanster.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

JB Slangs Part 1

I thank the Lord and the British colony for setting up English schools all over the country, and not forgetting parents that send their kids to English medium schools so that today, I, Mr. Tan can have friends to talk to and communicate with. But then again I realized that in every place there's a different slang or way that people talk with.

As if it ain't freaky enough that everybody speaks fluent Mandarin here, I found myself talking in a strange way when I met these bunch of guys. Well, it's running in my blood and tongue now whenever I speak to them, and I find it quite amusing and fun to speak the way they do.

Here's a short list of words that are usually spoken, complete with an example of how to use it.

WOOAHHH (Adjective)
1. To express shock, disgust, irritation, joy, cluelessnes and just about anything at all
Elaine: Henry Seely is mine loh, woah
Steph: What, mine ok? Woahh
Elaine: Mine la, WOAHH
Steph: Don't fight with me k? WOOAHHH!
Instead of being used at the begining of the sentence, it is usually used to end, maybe to end the conversation on a high note.
2. To express speechlessness
Jin: He like roti tisu lo
Wan Yean: Where got wor.. Woahh
Jin: Ehh don't bluff la k
(Suddenly a hot girl walks past by)
Wan Yean: WOOAHHH..
Jin: There! Proven!
This has got to be the most popular and widely used word around here. You'll probably hear it a thousand times in a single conversation. Normally accompanied by a hand gesture opened outwards to both sides like a waiter carrying two dishes on both hands.

Wadde (Adjective)
1. Almost the same as WOAHH, but it is normally used for more severe cases.
Jin: You perm your hair d then how u sleep ah?
Sze Yah: Sleep face down lo
Jin: Wadde you... Need or not ah
A polluted version of the famous wtf. Since nice people around here don't curse, hence the "f" is dropped and "wt" turns to be the only speakable term. Proper pronounciation: Wa is pronounced low (2nd pinyin), while de is with a higher note (4th pinyin). Personally, it sounds awful when you hear it, but it's fun to be the one saying it.

Sha-dap la... (Verb)
1. To show uneasiness and dissent over a comment made by sombody else in a rude way.
Wan Yean: Ei you wear the same zebra shirt again?
Elaine: Sha-dap la...
Use this as how you would use "f u la..". You won't go wrong, guaranteed.

GG (adjective)
1. To show approval of something that is good, to compliment.
Loon: The ais kacang how?
Chris: GG la
Loon: Sure ah? I order 2 bowls d
Chris: GG la.. Order 1 more for me
Loon: GG

7 Bucks (Noun)
1. To play Dota.
Loon: Do you have 7 bucks to spare?

10 Bucks (Noun)
1. To show interest and commitment to play Dota.
Wan Yean: I dunno bout you la, I got 10 bucks nia. No small change
Loon: GG

Sia (Adverb)
1. Used as intensifiers; similar to 'very', but it is placed at the end of the sentence.
Wan Yean: Ei the video GG rite
Chris: Wadde, disgusting sia! Make me wanna vomit nia
I thought that it was 'sial' at first, but then again I was wrong. Sounds awefully weird when spoken continuously, when it appears like 30 times per minute.

"........sia!.....sia.....sia......sia......"

Makes me think of this guy:

Shame on you if you don't know who Kenny Sia is.

With the addition of WOAHH and wadde in between:

"...wadde.....sia!..WOAHH....sia...wadde....sia!...WOAHH!...wadde...sia......"

Oh God, my ears! Help!

By the way, today's my birthday! Wadde lo, I'm 21 now, can enter casino already! GG sia!
(The rightful reaction to give in this kinda situation is by saying WOAHH, just so you know.)

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Ben's 21st Birthday: After And Before

Yesterday (02 Nov) we celebrated Ben's birthday at his house. Nothing fancy though, but it was crazy and silly fun, considering how close our final exams are approaching now and still, we're still all jolly. Good stress management.

It was a simple barbeque dinner with everybody contributing to make it happen, and as it is much like a tradition here now, the birthday boy contributed by paying for everything else on top of helping out with the preparations.

Party animals.

The real party animal. He sure did enjoy all the leftovers and bones.

Exclusive after and before pictures included below to show some disgusting behind the scene stuff that can only be shown after the party.
Drinks
After:Orange juice from cordial and 1.5kg sugar (It was not sweet enough, still!) Gross?

Before:Just don't ask what they use that pail for, I don't wanna know either. I took 7 cups of that thing.

Home made birthday cookie for the birthday boy
After:Straight into the mouth. So sweet of them guys to bake him cookies.

Mouth watering crunchy cookie!

Before:The cow dung/dough.

After knowing the truth:
Even the puppy's not eating it. Poor Ben.

Let's hope the party kids don't see these. Happy birthday Ben. Enjoy talking nonsense with you during the "after party". Haha.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Do You Know Them All?

Do you know everybody in your Friendster's 1st degree friends?

I remember those days when I was crazy hunting down my friends through Friendster, eager to add more into my contact list. It's like a battle of pride and glory, to show people how famous you by the number of friends you have. And I remember that I always fail to outdo them others.

Wan Yean: You have 89 friends
Any other average user: You have 178 friends

So I struggled hard to search high and low for my friends everywhere around, keeping in my mind to at least reach the 100 friends target to save my face. And when that glorious day cometh...

Wan Yean: You have 100 friends
Any other average user: You have 500 friends (my account is so full! ^_^ add me at my second account~> airyfairy@emptyhead.com)

What the? How the hell could it be possibly possible for someone to have that much friends and, wooarrghh it's just a big blow to me. So from then on I decided to forget about the whole Friendster thing, knowing for now that it was kinda stupid to get so frustrated over it.

Then came one day when I got hold of my 500++ friends friend, and I popped him the question:

Wan Yean: You actually have that much friends?
Guy friend: Nah, actually I just browse trough people's profile, and whoever I see pretty I add nia loh. Hehehe

What the?

Full of disbelief, I asked a female 500++ friends friend the same question:

Wan Yean: You must be a big time socialite like Paris Hilton herself!
Girl friend: No la, got guys add me I ma accept nia loh. Hehehe

Shit.
They even laugh the same way after telling me that.
Hehehe

Ain't Friendster about keeping a list of your personal friends that you know, so that you can just click upon their profile once in a while to see how they are doing, where they are studying or working at, their marital status, and the bullshit decorations that they put on their profiles?

Ben Khor the lawyer said:
"I know everyone in my Friendster okay"

Respecto, bro.

I take pride in knowing MOST of the people in my list too, rather than having tons of them in my list and not even knowing them at all.

How many real friends do you have in your list? Okay stop, you don't have to go about defining friends. Just count them, I'd like to know :D

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

My Open Space Asylum

Back to square one.
My desire for empty words died off.
I'm never there.
Thanks anyway.
I see the real you twice.

WTV: Exclusive Interview With Wan Yean

This is WTV (no, not WTF) reporting to you live from the home of the disappearing blogger, Wan Yean. Among the highlights today are the confessions of the blogger about his disappearance and how he view his own blog. Stay with us, as Wan Yean tells it all.

WTV: What is blogging like to you?

Wan Yean: Back then, to me blogging was a type of escapism for me from the real world, where I have an audience I can give my views to, where I can just bullshit about anything at all without a single care. Expectations from people, a standard to keep, ah, fuck that. I can just write anything at all without worries, like right now. I don't even have to care about the swear word I just used.

WTV: Seems like you're living a double life then.

Wan Yean: Double? What do you mean by double? I'm a screwed up lunatic with a rich blend of personalities inside me, and I don't subject myself to just being 2 different person! At times, I'm Wayne, the serial rapist; Wanster, the computer geek that bitch alot about people on his blog; and even the Reverent, the holy high priest that speaks repentance to the nations. So don't diss me by mentioning double, before my half Chinese niggah inside me gets angered and pop your muthafuckin' head off, you pussyface!

WTV: Okay, cool down now. We're sorry, Wan Yean abou..

Wan Yean: Don't you know my name, pussy? I'm Wayan, and don'cha diss me once more or you'll be joining Tupac & B.I.G. real soon!

WTV: Okay, let's try this once more. What can you explain about your disappearance from the blogosphere, and wha..

Wan Yean:
Cuz I'm hot from da streets,
Bring 'em lotsa bitches & chicks,
If ya mess with me nigga I tell ya this,
Ya head be popped like a pussy on the clit,
Blown into pieces and I just don't give a shit (Uh huh)
I've got, Lil Jon on my back (YYEEAAAHHHH!!)
and Snopp wit the crack (Big what)
And ya know this gon' be fat
Cuz ma man JD's on the track
(Ya kno this is... so, so def! Haha!)

WTV: Err sir, you're on an interview here...

Wan Yean: You know what, you dopes just don't know how to appreciate a good free style. Shut up and show some respect!

WTV: Seems like we don't need a reason for his disappearance now, it's clear now that he is outta his mind. Well surely the world is gonna miss the wits of Wanster, some even once hailed as the greatest blog ever, as we await eagerly for the man himself to make a return. For now, bring to you some of the unposted entries of Wanster, that might leave a hint and clue to the reason behind his disappearance. Hope you'll enjoy this.

Wan Yean: Shake that ass bitch! Yeaa make a pool palace! Arrrww arrrww!!

Wanster vs The Rest Of Them Bloggers

Let me put it straight. I am here to clarify that I can never outdo, outpost and outblog all you bloggers out there. Though blogging is fun and it passes time fast, heck I lack the necessaries to be on par with you blogging junkies. Let's just make a comparison.

1. The Internet

To blog simply means to web log, and hence the Internet connection is the back bone of a blogger.

Them Bloggers:

Ultra fast broadband connection in your very own room. Connected to the Internet for flocking 24 hours a day. Quick uploads, browsing and bla bla bla.

Wan Yean:


Johor:
1) The library. Freaking far. Connection speed of 10.0Mbps shared among 6 users. Any single fudger who decides to download some trash will make the other 5 crawl.

2) The computer room. Nah, I hate that place for some weird reason that I don't even know. And I have to pay to use their virus infested computers!

3) Starbucks. I can afford a Myvi by now if I'm to blog from that place everyday.


Penang:
Dial-up connection that people laugh at. Maximum speed of 46.6kbps. Spanking.


2. The blog's layout

Don't judge a blog by it's template. Yea rite. Template is everything.


Them Bloggers:

Fancy stuff, with loads of interesting banners and pictures. Some are even equipped with fancy mouse pointers and pop-up messages.

Wan Yean:

Standard plain black boring blogger template. Hey, I like to write on my blog, not decorate it.


3. The gadgets
Cameras, to be specific.

Them Bloggers:

DSLR! Crystal clear fine images!

Wan Yean:
Sony Ericsson k700i = camera. Wow.

How the hell am I gonna survive this cruel wicked world of blogging without the right tools and accessories?

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Giant Hypermarket

No joke, they really looked like a kid's drawing of 3 fingers to me rather than the price of something when I first saw it.

Sanyo 21'' whatever whatever, RM 4D9.00?

D24's half seeded brother, the D99 durian on sale.

Giant Hypermarket better hire somebody with at least UPSR qualification who can write properly and note the difference between numbers and alphabets.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My Dream Wife

Let me introduce you to my dream wife. No, not as in Celine Dion's I see you every night and wet myself kinda dream, nor like how The Papas & The Mamas shameless abuse of the word dream to make a hit song California Dreaming kinda dream, nor is it like JJ or some bad-English Taiwanese superstar that wanna add the word "dream" into their song to coolify it and hide the fact that they can't speak proper English that turned out to be the main reason why they are recording artists because they can't pass the IELTS test to make it to the universities, which in fact by adding the word "dream" into their song will make them sound like greater idiots.

What I really meant by dream is more like Dennis Rodman's "My greatest desire and dream is to be a woman with loads of tattoo" kinda dream, or maybe like Michael Jackson's "I really hope that they would select me to play the ghost in The Grudge I don't need additional make up" kinda dream and oh, how could I miss this one out, like suicide bombers' dream of dropping the title "suicide" off by using remote control explosives so that they can be blown into pieces by their friends and without having to press the button themselves. "It's not considered suicede then, right? Cuz it's done by another person." Al-Ti-enti quoted before going to international courts for an appeal for a change of name.

Okay, the usual drift. Back to my topic. My dream wife. After relentless search through dating websites, dating agencies, UTM kampung girls, Penang chicks, Hollywood, churches, Catholic schools and Vietnam, I've found her- living in my laptop. No, not some porn star; no, it's not Tammy, but her name is Lois. Lois Pewterschmidt Griffin.
She told me that I'm too young for her.

He told me that I'm too old for him.

She/he is too manly/feminine for me.

Woo hoo.

I mean, she loves her very very fat, very very stupid, very very irresponsible husband and she stays faithful to her. And she's a trophy admired by her neighbour and even the front man of KISS, Mr. Mime or Mr. Pussyface or whatever his name is. She cooks. She plays the piano. She doesn't throw tantrums. And she escaped death effortlessly, and that's sexy. She's everything that I cannot find in dating agencies, UTM kampung girls, Catholic schools and no, not even in Vietnam. Maybe that is why she is a cartoon character; too ideal to be real. Damn you Peter Griffin, you lucky son of a mother.

Oh boy. too much of Family Guy. Don't know what I'm taking about? You totally suck. Shame on you. Click here to save your dignity.

Monday, October 16, 2006

They Can't Take Criticisms

Why I disappeared from blogging for such a long period of time?
This is one of the reasons why.
The university election back then.
Further explained below, which I actually wrote quite some time ago but failed to publish because of some kampung people who don't know how to handle criticisms.

I can't access blogs from UTM.

I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
Blogs are blocked.
I wonder why.
I wonder why.
I wonder why.
Is it because they detest freedom of speech over the Internet?
Or maybe they are trying to narrow down Internet usage by the students?
Or don't tell me that blogspot's server is down for weeks already?
No, it's not blogspot.
It's them.
They did it.
The evil brains behind UTM.
Hollow brains.
Hollow, empty, brains that cannot accept criticisms.
Hollow, epmty, shallow brains that don't know how to handle bad comments.
What are we gonna do about it?
What are we gonna do about it?
What are we gonna do about it?
So they asked.
"Let's shut the Internet down!" screamed one.
"Let's burn every computer that we come across!" snarled another.
"Silly! Let's just block whatever that comes from blogspot.com!" the spectacle clad one yelled.
Silence.
Then a slight murmur.
Then a burst of laughter.
"Yes let's do that!" Everybody cheered.
"They won't be able to see a thing from that site!" Everybody danced.
"We'll secure another victory for this round of election!" Everybody laughed.
"Even if we don't, we'll just pay the officer RM50 and we will eventually win!" Everybody roared.

That spelt the end for all htmls ending with ".blogspot.com".
The only reason why I still manage to post is because the domain now is under blogger.com.
And I can only view my own blog from "Preview" at "Template".
Wanna know what is the blog that I was talking about? Here you go:
http://mahasiswa-utm.blogspot.com
Bastards.

Okay, so I can actually post back then, but I was too frustrated and ermm... what's the word... oh yeah, lazy.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Death Could Not Hold Wan Yean At The Grave... The Great Comeback

Making a return from his month long absence...
(Crowd aroused)
If you missed him people, SCREEAAMM!!
(Crowd roared)
Tell me, who's blog do you want to read?
(WAN YEAN!)
Who's blog izz it that you want, to, reeaad??!
(WAN YEAN!!)
I give you one last try, WHO'S BLOG IN THE CYBER WORLD DO YOU WANNA REEEAADD??!!
(WAAAAAAANNNNN YEEEEEAAAAAANNN!!)
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment all of you have been waiting for, making an unbelievable comeback from Internetlesslitis, stronger than ever, bigger and better, (HOO! HOO!) ready or not, here comes another entry; show him your love people.... WAAAANNNN YEAAAAANNN!!
(Crowd in frenzy, girls throwing panties and flashing their top, camera lights flashing)

Hi. I'm back to blogging. Thanks for coming by.

P/S: By the way, if you pretty chicks are really gonna flash me your assets, you can always take a photo of yourself and e-mail it to me. I'd surely appreciate that alot.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Exotic Malaysian Drink: You Should Try This Out!

Back in Penang when mamak-ing with fellow ol' buddies, I was introduced to an "exotic" drink that is served there at that mamak stall by this hyper guy by the name of Dawson.

Well, I bet all you Malaysians have heard of "nes-lo", the cheaper alternative to Starbuck's mocha drink where they mix Nescafe with Milo, which contributes to the name.

But check this one out: the new cool drink available at Khaleel nearby USM Penang by the name of "koteh lo". If you haven't figured it out, it's a mixture of coffee (KOpi), tea (TEH) and miLO. Yup, it sounds weird and obscene, even the waiter who took my orders was shocked when I first mention it:


Wan Yean: Bos, koteh lo ais satu.
Waiter: Apa??
Wan Yean: Koteh lo. Ais.
Waiter: Macha, (tears filling his eyes) itu dulu wa ada jual la.. Skarang I kerja sini, tadak buat itu bisnes sudah..
Wan Yean: wtf... Bos, KOpi + TEH + miLO satu!
Waiter: Adui macha.. (seen thanking God) Nasib baik tadak orang tau pasai I punya kerja dulu-dulu...
Wan Yean: ....

Can't imagine if I ordered this:
Wan Yean: Bos! Koteh lo kau kau!

Or maybe this:
Wan Yean: Bos! Kasi bungkus koteh lo panas punya!

Everybody was laughing when I was placing my order, but hey, that drink is good. It is a lil bitter at the first sip, but then it tastes like Milo when it's in your mouth and when you gulp it in, it leaves fragrant traces of tea in your mouth. Now that's what I call a 3-in-1 drink.

You guys should try it out, but a word of caution to you girls: please check whether the stall serves this drink, or maybe explain the drink before attempting to shout your orders out.


And I can't imagine adding Horlicks to the ingredient...

Wan Yean: Bos! Lick mi koteh panas!
Waiter: Amma!! Mari pi belakang kedai!

Holy cow.